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| 11/10/00
I figured it would be ok to email you my story as I'm changing ISP's in
the
next week so I can go back to hiding. I was linked to your website through
the Bush forum, an AOL message board. I have to tell you that I am very
impressed with your site and dot see your pictures as being a problem,
despite how uncomfortable or painful they may be to view. Sometimes people
need to be shocked out of their comfort zone. Your pictures do just that.
I am, right now, a single mother of two children. I was married but am now
divorced, although it appears that I may remarry sometime soon. I'm not
sure
yet. That’s an entirely different issue.
I had my first of two abortions on July 6th of 1989, at an Atlanta
abortion
facility. I had been living with my boyfriend for about a year. When I
found
out I was pregnant, I was elated. I had immediately gone to a nearby
second
hand store and purchased sleepers, blankets, among other things, marveling
at
their tiny size. My boyfriend's parents were not at all happy about my
carrying their grandson, although I couldn’t say they had any problems
with
me. They just didn’t want their son hampered by such a thing when we
were both
barely out of our teens. They pressured me into having an abortion. I had
tried calling around to see if there were any alternatives. At the time,
there didn’t appear to be any. I did not run across any agencies that
would
help in making me self-sufficient. Besides, putting the baby up for
adoption,
or finding a way to raise it on my own, was not an option for his family.
I
didn’t feel I could go to mine. I felt my family would've been appalled
at my
behavior, that I had wound up pregnant outside of marriage, although my
family is staunchly pro-life. But sometimes people are pro-life with their
lips and not with their hands, you know? It’s very easy to say you’re
pro-life,
but what are you doing to help? At any rate, his family took me to Planned
Parenting, where I was given a counselor to help me make a choice. The
choice
being that I would realize there was no way this baby could be allowed to
live. The counselor had me draw up two lists, pros and cons of having the
baby. The pros being that I already loved the baby, that I wanted the
baby,
that I didn’t necessarily believe that abortion was right. The cons
being that
I was only 20 years old, no college education, no way to see to it that
the
baby would’ve been taken care of properly. The only pros I could come up
with
where "emotional," where the cons were all
"practical," provided to me by the
counselor. Having been raised in a very sheltered environment, and not one
to
stand up for myself very well, and having no support to consider an
alternative, I ended up giving in to the pressure on all sides. On July
6th,
I went to the Atlanta Women center and had an abortion. I was 6 weeks
pregnant.
Following that abortion, I sunk into a deep depression. I did not leave
the
house. My shades and curtains were closed and I stayed inside for three
months, completely withdrawing from life. I had completely shut down. My
boyfriend tried "snapping me out of it," and we resumed our
normal relations
after the allowed time, as I began to learn to pretend it was ok. Until I
realized I was pregnant again. I flat out refused to consider an abortion,
although I began to receive the same pressure as before, with offers from
his
parents to pay for it again. They paid for the first one. I held out, but
only to end up in the same position, but this time aborting a baby at 3
months. To describe where I was at mentally at the time is difficult. I
almost began to believe there was something wrong, something was wrong
with
the baby. Of course I had no proof of this, apart from that I did begin
experiencing a lot of abdominal pain. I know how that it was my own mind,
trying to find a way for it to accept this, to make it easier for me to
bear.
For the second abortion, I went to the Feminist Women's Health Center in
Atlanta Ga. The people there, this time, were not so nice. Although I was
there for the same reason as the other ladies, I was appalled at the
attitudes of the other women seeking abortion. They acted like their
babies
had implanted themselves in their bodies on purpose, to try and ruin their
lives.. I realize I was still in some state of shock from the first baby.
I
chose to be knocked out for this second abortion since I was so far along.
When the abortion was over, I found myself laying in a bed in a large room
with other women recovering. I came to, to find myself half undressed in
front
of everyone, and feeling extremely nauseated. My left wrist, which is
where I
had received the IV for the abortion, was swollen to the point of
disfiguration. ! When a nurse came by close to my bed, I called her over
to ask
her why my wrist looked the way it did. She snapped at me, telling me,
"Well
if you hadn’t thrashed around so much!..." She left my bedside. Not
5 minutes
later, I was being sick all over myself. Another of the lady's there
called
the nurse back, yelling, "Hey, this girl is puking all over."
The nurse was
extremely exasperated with me, but helped me in giving me a bowl to throw
up
in, and a towel to clean up with. When I had "recovered," I got
dressed and
left. Outside, there were abortion protesters picketing the building,
carrying large signs of aborted babies. One protester ran up to the car,
which my boyfriend was driving, and yelled that she wanted to help. I
broke
out in sobs and he just shook his head at her as we drove away. When we
got
home, I went to use the bathroom, passed a large blood clot and basically
lost it because I thought it was the baby. Later on, my mother called. I
couldn’t get a hold of myself, just sobbed and sobbed and ended up
telling her.
Although she was extremely upset, I have to say she did not say anything
to
the effect that she'd wished I'd called her first. I haven’t forgotten
that
either.
Years later, I am still recovering, although I have managed to block it
from my mind, most of the time. Your site has made me realize how much
pain
and anger I still carry. Pain over what I did to my children. Anger at
myself
for not standing up and saying, "No." Anger at people, who are
pro-life but
don't want to deal with the inconvenience of providing practically help to
save
a life.
I have two children now. I had difficulty carrying both children, had so
much preterm labor for each. Both were born premature. Both were born
severely underweight. My daughter, now age 10, is diagnosed with an Autism
Spectrum disorder, is mildly retarded, among several other issues. My son,
8,
has severe ADHD. Would they carry these diagnosis's if I hadn’t aborted
their
siblings? I will never know. The thing is, I can say this. If someone told
me
I would give birth to a daughter with Autism while I was pregnant with
her, I
can say that it would not have mattered. And I am so blessed to have her,
to
have my son. Although life with their disabilities is far from easy, I
have
never experienced so much joy, so much love, and yet so much heartache.
I dot know what the statistics are. I dot know what "they" say
the odds
are of having a child with disabilities after having had an abortion. I
guess
to me, it wouldn’t matter. I would not have my children any other way.
But it’s
a thought to those considering an abortion. If it does increase the
likelihood, do you want to condemn your future children to a life of
struggles and health problems, for the decision you make now? Fortunately
times have changed. It is easier for an alternative to be had. There are
agencies now who are there to help. There probably was at the time of my
children's death. I just didn’t know how to go about finding them, I
guess.
It’s worth it to look and to make that choice instead. The choice of
abortion
does NOT go away once the pregnancy is over.
For those of you who have gone before me, for those of you who have
followed, my heart goes out to you in your pain and loss. May you find a
way
to come to terms with it, to heal. God bless you all and thanks for
listening.
Written in memory of my two lost children, who live on in my children's
eyes.
CL |
| 11/9/00
I can't tell you how much I wish I had found your website before I
chose to kill my baby, cause the pictures I just saw would have made me
think twice. I read all of the letters sent to your site, and decided I
needed to tell my story. For starters, I'd like to say that my story is
different from all of the others in one way: I had my abortion
yesterday. I am 25 years old. I met this guy at a bar about 12 weeks
ago. He asked me to give him a ride to his car about a half an hour away
from the bar. I said sure....which I had no business doing since I was
extremely drunk and had no business driving, plus I just met him. I wish I
had gotten pulled over and been arrested for a dui, but I guess "luck
was with me" (or was it?) and I safely delivered him to his car.
Unfortunately as many of you know, when you are drunk, you are more likely
to do things you wouldn't do if sober. We started fooling around and ended
up in the back seat of his car. I went home, only knowing his first
name. I didn't think twice about what I did...I said to myself that it was
the first time I ever had a one night stand, and I would never do it
again, and that I learned from my mistake. Learned my lesson. If I only
knew. It was not too long after that night that I was a week late
for my monthly cycle. The only other time I was late was when I was
pregnant with my daughter, who is now 5. I still denied the possibility of
pregnancy. That is until I took a home pregnancy twice and I had those
happy looking double lines indicating that I was pregnant. I didn't know
what I was going to do. I said to myself I can't have this baby...for so
many selfish reasons...like "I don't even know the father's last
name", "how am I going to explain to my family and friends who
the father is", "how am I going to be able to support a baby
when I am barely making ends meet with the daughter I have ",etc,etc,etc,etc
So I said abortion is my only alternative. So I called and made the
appointment. I had to postpone my appointment twice because I couldn't
come up with the money. I kept thinking about it through the weeks, trying
to convince myself that it won't be so bad. Yesterday morning came time
for me to go to the clinic. I got up, put my daughter on the school bus,
kissed her good-bye, and a half hour later I was on my way. When I
arrived, I was first one there, so I started the preparations right
away....finger prick, vital stats, paperwork....and the whole time the
nurses paid no attention to me but to the election. I was taken to the
ultra sound room, where the nurse viewed my baby to see it's size. Then I
was taken to a room that was for what I thought as pre abortion
counseling. It turned out to be a TV on a music station playing "who
let the dogs out." Three other women came into the room. One woman
was complaining about how hungry she was, pulling candy and fruit bars out
of her purse. Another woman sat next to me, looking as if she did this
every day. The third woman sat in silence, just as I was...only I don't
think she was as sick to her stomach as I was. That third woman ended up
speaking, letting us know that this was her second abortion, and that the
worst part was the sound. How right she was. The nurse came in and
went on to tell us about the preparations, medications, what to do after
the abortion, not to drink or eat milk products with certain
medications.....she sounded like she was reading out of a book. Not once
did anyone go one on one to discuss other options or if we had second
thoughts. I was the first one the doctor. I was taken to a room and told
to strip from my waist down and put on a hospital. The doctor came into
the room a few minutes later. He said he would tell me what he would do
before he did it, and we began. I told myself not to cry, it would be over
soon. But the tears started to come anyway, though they were as silent as
the baby about to be ripped out of my body. I covered my ears to try to
silence the sound of the suction, but I could still hear all the slurps
and gurgles of the tissue and baby parts being sucked out of my uterus. I
felt so guilty for what I was doing, but it was too late to stop. By the
time I changed my mind, the suction machine was turned off and my baby was
dead. I drove home alone, and when my roommate asked me why I was home so
early from work I told her I got sick and they sent me home. I went
straight to bed and slept until my daughter came home from school. I was
in a daze most of last night, trying to keep myself busy to keep my mind
off of what I had done. I haven't been able to stop crying today. In fact
the tears are coming as I write my story. There's nothing I can do to
bring my baby back. Nothing. I feel so ashamed and guilty, such sadness
and bitterness. I don't know what to do or think...I just wish so much I
had done differently. I AM A MURDERER . I am a murderer of an innocent
baby boy or girl, my daughter's brother or sister, my mom's second
grandchild. How can I live with myself? I can't even look at my face in a
mirror. I had decided to look for sites on the internet about abortion as
a sort of punishment. I vaguely remember as a little girl seeing a
petition with a picture of an aborted fetus, and turned to my mom and said
"Eww, that's gross so I decided to try to find more to refresh my
memory. I will never again in my life choose abortion, no matter what my
circumstances-not even if I was raped by a fat, smelly, disgusting old man
with missing teeth. I don't know how I am going to recover from what I
did, but I know I will never support abortion again as long as I live. I
will never forgive myself, either. I just hope and pray my murdered baby
can forgive the heinous act I have committed. Did you ever had that
daydream when you were younger of finding a genie and being granted three
wishes? My wishes always revolved around money or beauty, or becoming
famous...you know, the usual. Now? I would have one wish only. To have my
baby back. But we all know genies aren't real. And neither is bringing him
or her back. It took $260 and ten minutes to murder my child. All the
money and time in the world can't bring it back. To all the women out
there who are thinking of having an
abortion, THINK!!!!! I mean THINK!!! You are killing an innocent. A life
not asking to be brought into the world, but given as a gift of God to
bless you or someone else with their laughter and smiles. And to all those
women who have had more than one abortion--how could you go through it
again? After all you went through the first time, HOW?????? Well, to close
I want to thank Abortion TV for allowing me to share my story. I also
thank you for putting this web site out there. I intend to use it to try
to change the minds of other women who choose to kill, starting with my
friends and family. I killed my baby on November 8, 2000 at around 10:20
a.m. That was thirty four hours ago. That thirty four hours feels like
thirty four years. I'm so sorry my love...please forgive me.
Your Mom
|
| 11/10/00
I just wanted to thank you for this website. I unfortunately have no
picture to show of my 4 year old. I made the fatal decision to take my
sons life, by abortion, about 4 years ago. I was reading other people's
responses to this site and I definitely think the pictures are horrid, but
very effective. For me, I wish I had taken steps to check out the way the
innocent were murdered because it may have had an affect on my choice. I
am now a Christian, which eases my pain, but does not get rid of it. There
are not many days that go by when I don't think about my child. My best
friend has a two year old and I know that he is in my life because of
God's grace. God is so good and anyone reading this has to understand that
what we do today can effect the people around us for many years to come. I
was not so smart in making a choice I made, and I will suffer from that
choice always. I am 24 now and I know that when I get married that all the
emotions will come back once again when it is time to have children, (if
that is possible because of the abortion). I have just gotten to the point
I can talk about what I did, and I even want to help others. ( I still
couldn't even watch the videos that you show.) I can't stress enough how
God just wants the best for all of us and that is the sole reason why He
gives us so many rules and regulations. It is ok to hide behind His
choices for our lives, not matter what other people think. He is all
knowing and we as humans can not even fathom what He has in store for us
if we just believe in that. God sent His only son to die for us so that we
can go about living our lives to the fullest with no condemnation for what
we have done. Remember though, that Jesus also "chose" to die
for us. PLEASE think about what you do before you do it. You will suffer
and it will never "go away" as you so hope it will. Thanks once
again AbortionTV for your desire to speak the truth. This whole website
and all the people involved are in my prayers and I know you have already
done great things for the cause.
Jennifer C. |
| 1/29/01
I had an abortion when I was 16.
Though God has forgiven me, I still live
with the guilt every day. I'm 20 now, and have a beautiful daughter. Your
website is great, and I wish more women who are considering abortion would
learn the truth. Pro choicers are misinformed - as was I when I chose to
kill my unborn baby. They see abortion as a "choice" issue, and
it really
has nothing to do with choice. In America, we do not get to legally choose
whether or not to murder, rape, or do drugs - and I don't understand how
people think that killing babies should be a choice either. When I had my
abortion at 16, I was really unaware of how an abortion was even
performed.
I had tried to convince myself that I was doing the right thing, but even
before the abortion, in my heart I knew that it was wrong. They did an
ultrasound to see how far along I was, and they made sure that I didn't
see
the screen. ( If abortion is so "right" and "simple"
then why would they
hide this from the women?) I was a little over 14 wks. If only I'd have
known the truth - that the thing growing inside of me was a baby, not just
a
mass of tissue, but it was a baby, it had a brain, a heartbeat, fingers,
toes and even eyelids....... If only I'd have put "ME" aside for
just one
second and thought about what I would be doing to my baby . . . People
NEED
to know and see the truth, because sometimes words just aren't enough. The
abortion HURT. It hurt physically, and mentally. I cant even begin to
imagine how it felt to my unborn baby. It makes me cry to think about it.
During the procedure, I glanced down at the jar, filled with blood ,
filled
with the limbs and organs of my baby. I can still see that jar, as if I'm
looking right at it, and that picture in my mind will probably never go
away.
So many people - family, friends, tried to stop me from aborting . . . if
only I would have listened. . . If only I would have opened my eyes and
ears
. . . . . I will never ever ever get to meet my baby. No amount of crying,
no amount of "I'm Sorry" will ever bring her back. I will never
know what
I was missing out on - until I reach heaven. I keep asking myself, what
would it have taken to prevent me from aborting? Knowing the truth, seeing
the truth - maybe. I'll never know the answer. Abortion is NOT the easy
way
out, for anybody. I know, I've been there. I hope that this site can open
the eyes of people who don't know what really goes on in abortion clinics.
I applaud your efforts to inform the ignorant of the truth. I wish I'd
have
been forced to visit this site when I was 16 . . Every time I mention this
site to a pro choicer they say that the pictures aren't real, or that
they're
of miscarried babies. Even If some of those pictures are of miscarried
babies, I can't imagine what one of an aborted baby would look like. Are
those pictures real? Where did they come from? Just curious. Anyway, I
just thought I'd share my story and my thoughts. It helps, a little, to
talk
about it. Is there anything that I can personally do to help save babies?
Let me know.
Thanks
Bayleesmom |
| 10/29/00
Hello - I just had to write. This was the most
devistating, depressing,
heart-wrenching thing I have even seen. When I viewed the pictures, it
made
me sick and it make me cry. It tore my heart apart to see these little
helpless lives being torn into pieces! I'm sick, I feel such a sense of
loss. Maybe I should have said this at the beginning of my letter. I had
an
abortion. I can hardly write about it. It happened about 15 years ago and
after seeing this, it brought back all that I went through. I never
realized
what I had done, but now I see what a monster I was then. How could
I do
such a thing? I have 2 beautiful children now and I just can't imagine
hurting them in any way. But how could I have murdered my baby? I will
live
with that guilt the rest of my life. How can these women, girls just care
about themselves? These babies, these little angels are "LIFE" -
our life. I
will never forget and never have a full sense of peace in my life because
of
what I have done. I have asked for God's forgiveness, and I truly believe
He
has forgiven me, but I also want to tell my baby how sorry I really am. I
want to tell the women out there who are considering aborting their babies
-
DON'T!! PLEASE!!! Don't be selfish - think of YOUR BABY! I am a single mom
now and I would never put anything or anyone before my child. Don't let
anyone tell you it's ok and you have a choice. Well who will defend your
baby? Don't they have a choice? They are just as alive as YOU and they
have
rights to and you must speak for them - PLEASE! Stop killing these angels!
God Bless you all and keep up your fight!! Let's speak for the angels!
Debbie |
| 10/01/00
Dear, abortion TV:
I am writing to you as a testimony of my ordeal with abortion from a guys
point of view I am 19 and she is 21 and just a few past month's ago I was
living with this girl and we were doing great until she became pregnant
our
relationship was smoother than ever and we were financially stable she
worked
as an S.T.N.A at a nursing home me as a mechanic her insurance at work
would
have paid her for the delivery and all the medical bills and even pay her
on
maternity leave when she found out she was pregnant her immediate first
words
were abortion she was pretty hard headed to begin with so I was like ok I
cant change her mind but after going to work and thinking about it I said
to
myself how could I do this so I decided to do what was right I tried
everything I begged her and I even printed out the Ohio right to life
pages
on procedures nothing could change her mind so we broke up over it and I
came back home the next day I went down to the clinic to see her but they
keep the front door locked at all times they have a camera and a mic you
have to have an appointment to get in and they were very rude to me so I
decided to sit in the parking lot until she came out so they came storming
out of there and said to leave immediately and took down my license plate
number I explained to them nicely I was there waiting on someone and that
I
would leave the parking lot and wait on the street so I did so and they
called the police on me and no there was no heated argument it was
uncalled
for I am not a fighter when it comes to arguments I wasn't there to harm
her
or anything like that I though maybe I could get her back and get her to
change her mind after all sometimes people chicken out when there staring
something in the face and me being there she could run back to me and say
ok
lets have the baby but it didn't work out that way it was a horrid place
sloppy no grass anywhere the door to the place looked like it was a la pop
machine locked with a bold lock it was an awful place I thought to myself
cant my baby dye in a decent place now I cant even go anywhere near that
place I think there is just to much pain if I was to see that place I
don't
know what I would do with my emotions after I came home I couldn't stop my
tears it hurt really bad then as a few months past I started feeling
better
but then the recent political debating and the news on abortion and the
ru486
brought back painful memories of my ordeal I was startled to also find
that
everywhere you go it can remind you phone books TV almost anything I often
find myself looking at buildings looking for a woman's clinic not on
purpose
but just looking I then realized that I will be living with this the rest
of
my life and I urge anyone considering abortion to not to I would compare
my
pain to a thousand relationships gone wrong (breaking up) like killing
your
grandma a hundred times over maybe I am making a big deal out of it but it
is
mentally painful to me and I wish that it never happened and I made a
promise
to myself that I would never date any woman that wasn't pro life I think
that
God intended for certain people to have kids and the people that have had
kids and been in the worst situations the child has not made the situation
worse but has made it better in some way each situation is different I
mean I
feel if you make it a problem its going to be a problem but if you go into
any situation ready minded well spirited the outcome is always good I mean
if
you think of everything as an opportunity it will be if you look at
something
as being negative its going to be negative also I am a Christian and
someone
brought to my attention one time that its a funny thing that most pro
choice/
pro abortion people also have no religious back ground they believe in
evolution and others think things not of God its a funny thing that I
should
mention this but many of them don't believe in God some do some don't but
many of the people I have ran into that are pro abortion and pro choice
don't believe in God don't you think there is something wrong with this
picture? Don’t believe in God believes in evolution and is pro
choice/pro
abortion the people that are pro life believe in God don't believe in
either of the two evolution or abortion maybe God teaches us what is right
and what is wrong after all he is suppose to be our father in heaven the
thing that I tell a lot of people is if your pregnant and are in a bad
situation don't look at the pregnancy as another one look at it as an
opportunity you know I also tell people that someday when that child is
grown
up its going to come back and say thanks Mom for not aborting me and I
don't
know about anyone else but if my kid came back and said that I don't think
I
could hold back the tears of joy because I did something that was morally
right so I say to all the teen moms and all the people that have said hey
I’m
going to have this kid and I’m going to do what is right and going to
raise
this child and be its mother I say thank you.
BW |
| 9/29/00
Six years ago I made a choice that changed my life
forever, I chose to take
my child's life. I was a freshman in college and away from home for the
first
time. I had become pregnant after what was supposed to be a summer fling.
I
did not worry about pregnancy, because we were always careful and I was
very
pro-choice. I now know it only took once. I found out I was pregnant two
weeks into the semester. I was in shock, but felt confident that I would
have
an abortion. All I could think about was I was too young, my boyfriend was
too young, my parents would disown me, and a baby would change my life. I
had
found out when I was 5 weeks pregnant, so I had to wait a week. I had been
given a choice of two doctors, one that required the use of a sonogram
prior
to an abortion and one who would perform the abortion. I chose the doctor
that would perform the abortion, scared that I would change my mind if I
saw
a sonogram. This choice was also appreciated by my ex-boyfriend, who was
my
only means of support (I say that term loosely). He was drunk and high,
constantly asking if I would go through the abortion like I said I would.
I
spent a lot of time in turmoil that week. I had time to think over my
decision, but I had no information available to me about the consequences
of
my decision. Every other day I changed my mind, praying I would have the
strength to save my child. I gave up caffeine, drinking, and was just more
careful...just in case I changed my mind. I talked with my child, asking
for
forgiveness and apologizing. In the end I went through with the abortion.
I
was "knocked out". I do remember seeing the glass jar before I
went out and
looking for it when I awoke. It was gone. I woke up crying, wishing the
glass
jar was there and the doctor had not been able to do the abortion. I
seemed
fine after that, going along as if nothing had happened...I could not let
my
parents discover what I had done. I was actually okay until two years
later,
when I began to suffer from post-abortion stress. Over the years, I had
discovered every reason I gave for the abortion were no longer valid,
perhaps
they never were. This realization, along with my ex accepting responsibility
for another child(he has a three year old son), sent me into a deep
depression. I began to think I was living in purgatory on earth and God
was
punishing me. I realize now that I was punishing myself . I am slowly
putting
my life on track, but there is not a day that goes by that I do not think
about my child. I am thankful for the Lord's forgiveness and only hope
that
the Lord will help me to forgive myself. This is condensed version of my
story, as many of you may understand the difficulty of conveying the pain
in
a few paragraphs. I will agree with some of the other women, whose stories
I
have read, that I wish I would have seen this website or similar sites. I
wish I would have been informed of the consequences, both psychological
and
physical, prior to my abortion. I do not know how my life will turn out. I
have yet to get married or try for another child. I read stories where
other
women now have children and I am filled with hope that I may one day be
blessed with a child. I have often prayed though for a second chance to go
back and make a different decision.
JG |
| 9/12/00
Don't worry I'm not going to yell. I had an abortion at
16 weeks in 1976,
December. you cant even imagine the pain I went through. I had a
prostaglandin one. I had no pain medicine and when the pain got really bad
I did ask for a shot but when the nurse came I said id rather have the
pain.
why? cuz if my baby had to die I didn't want to be made to feel better. I
knew it was wrong but I had no support; my mom made the appt without
asking me what I wanted to do. my dad sent me back to Hawaii to abort and
the dad did too. as a result of that when in 1983 and 1989 I had our 2
daughters I had so much cervical damage I had to have 2 csecs. GOD is so
forgiving HE could have made it so could never had anymore children and he
sent us the 2 most perfect ones in his garden. I own hard truth and
massacre of innocence everyone should. PLEASE DON'T ABORT.............you
never forget that one I miss my son everyday and Kathy Troccolis
song a baby's prayer always makes me cry...........bye-bye take care, me
Srf---@aol.com |
| 11/20/00
Today is the saddest day of my life, I have been torn to pieces knowing
that my beautiful baby girl has had her innocent life taken away from her.
Recently I had split up with my girlfriend Abbie as we had opposite
feelings towards our baby, Many people believe that abortion is a easy
route or an easy way to solve a problem, I can tell you now it's far from
easy, as I write this, I feel as if I am being tortured emotionally, even
before the termination had been carried out I found I could not
eat,think,or sleep.
As I'm the child's father I didn't have much of a say in the matter, at
one point my mother had helped and spoke with Abbie to change her feelings
to the baby using her own knowledge and 'Abortion T.V'. Abbie had changed
her thoughts and feelings, she was keen to keep the baby. On the Monday
she went to the local doctors and I believe the doctor and Abbie's mother
supported her in favour of the abortion.
Today Monday the 20th(november) the devil took away my little princess,
I feel lost and powerless, I just wish i could change things, It's beyond
my power,
This is a letter I have on my bedroom wall that I hand-wrote on the
19th the day before my babies death,
"for my beautiful princess Leah, today is the day before your
innocent life is taken, I'm so sorry for letting you down princess, I
tried my hardest to save your life that was so precious to me and your
grandmother. My life wont be right without you, you are on your way
to be with the Lord...
I love you darling and i always will, you live in me"...
Love daddy,
I'll never forget you, one love sweetheart...
|
| 2/8/00 My name is Marc, I stumbled across your website in a
search for some relief to my depression. You see one year ago my girlfriend of more than a
year came to me and said she wanted to start a family. It was something we both wanted,
very much so. You see we always were with my 2
year old niece and she is so precious to us both , we just wanted to have our own precious
gift...a baby girl. After about a month of trying she became pregnant, and we rushed right
over to my cousin's house....you see she can not have children and is in the process of
adopting. It meant alot to her that we were going to be having a baby. Well four
months go by and with every doctors visit I get more excited, seeing the ultrasound was
amazing. I talked to our baby girl every day
and kissed her and my girlfriend every night before I left for work and when I returned. I
was so excited about all of it and so was she, after all it was her decision to have a
baby. I am Catholic and so is she but, In my life religion never played a big role, I have
not even been to church in 8 years. We had discussed abortion previously in our
relationship when she thought she was pregnant. I was back then more inclined to leave it
up to her. Jen became irate at the mention of it,
abortion was out of the question. Later in the pregnancy she started hiding her
feelings from me. Soon she was avoiding me....behind my back she had gone to a family
planning agency to set up an appointment for an abortion. My first clue was the
phone call on Friday April 21st from Jen....she was crying asking me to come pick her up.
She should have been at school...I said I would be right there. Then the
worst, she said she was at the Abortion Clinic in Detroit some 90 minutes away. At
the last minute she backed out. On the way home we discussed it for almost 9
hours and we both were happy she did not follow through. We made plans for the next
day to go out just the two of us to get back to why we were together in the first
place and why we planned on having a family. That night I went to work and as soon
as I got home called her at home. I
asked why she had not been at my house, she said she could not leave her house. I knew
something was wrong...on Saturday April 22nd my 5 and a half month unborn baby girl......
Caitlin Jordan......was dead. Our relationship to say the least was over.
Through all the pain and betrayal I stayed with her as much as I could. I can
forgive, I just can't forget. We stayed together on and off again for the next 6
months but it was over that day back in April. From that day I have been
looking for answers to why this could happen. I asked my Aunt she told only God has
those answers. Everyday I wake up and see my baby niece and wonder if that is what
my little girl would have looked like. When I see couples with there babies I cry,
because I have lost that which I had cherished, not because it was my choice. I pray to
God, I try to move on with my life but the pain always seems to be there. I know I am just
killing myself slowly but, all I ever loved died that day, the women, the child, and
myself. I saw a commercial the other day it was a man washing dishes talking about how his
girlfriend always nagged on him to do the dishes, back then he blew it off. Now he does
them all the time, the only difference was that she saw him as not responsible aborted the
child and left him. It made me sad very sad.....then 30 minutes later I saw a Pro Choice
commercial talking about Women's right to choose, after all it's there body. The
whole thing angered me. It is a womans' righ to choose if she becomes pregnant or not.
There is birth control, abstanance, condoms, anything imaginable not to become
pregnant. So they were right it is a womans' choice to become pregnant, not to kill
an innocent child who did not ask to be created or brought in to this world. I believe all
pregnancies are planned unless you are raped, not
protecting yourself is a risk that you may become pregnant...so play at your own risk.
Once pregnant I believe nobody except God has the right to kill an innocent life. I
am just one man whose scars run deep, one year ago I believed that it was the womans right
to have an
abortion...now I see the error in my thinking. I was completly helpless to stop my
daughters death, and the law allows it. What about my rights as a father? What
about my unborn daughters right to live and have the same chances as anyone who is reading
this letter right now at life? How
can the Government take away mine and my childs rights but give full atonomy of choice to
the woman? We need to change the laws surrounding abortion, not so much as to repeal
it but that you must have both parents consent to abort at least that way my rights are
upheld also. An
even sadder end to sad story is that she can not even function without abusing alcohol,
drugs, and her own body because of the pain that this has done to her. Jennifer
copes by sedating herself and letting anyone abuse her. The death of my daughter by
any means not only hurt me but her as well. I just needed to get this message out,
maybe not one person will read it or listen but it had to be told. I still pray to God
everyday something I never did before not just for my baby girl, but for the woman who
killed her, as well as me.
"...If it takes for me to suffer for my brothers to see the
light,
give me pain till I die but please Lord treat them right." D.
Sincerly,
Marc L. Wallace
Mark, you've helped us to see that abortion
is a lose, lose, lose proposition. You've also pointed out some of abortion's many
inequities -- that neither the father nor child have a say in the child's death. Society
tells us that men should take responsibility for an unwanted pregnancy, yet on the other
hand, a man is told that abortion is "none of his business."
Unfortunately, Jennifer is suffering too. We encourage you both to seek post
abortion counseling. Please see "If You've Had An
Abortion" for a few sources. We're also posting your letter at "Letters From Those Who've Had Abortions" (previously
"Letters From Women Who've Had Abortions."
AbortionTV |
| 2/5/00 I got pregnant when I was 17 and was afraid to tell
my parents so I had an abortion. At the time I wasn't even thinking about
alternatives, I don't even think I was sure of what was going on in my life. I went
to a clinic that advertised free pregnancy tests because I was hoping the home pregnancy
test I had taken was wrong. The test came back positive. I was told to speak
with a "counselor" who immediately told me about this "painless
procedure" that I could be done to "take care of my problem." She
didn't ask me what I wanted to do or recommended that I thought about this. She
immediately proceeded to tell me the procedure costs and the only options she gave me was
whether I wanted local or general anesthesia. I was terrified of my parents'
reactions if they found out, so I immediately scheduled the appointment. I went to
clinic the morning of the procedure and while I was waiting I heard a horrible humming
sound but I had no idea what it was. I was taken inside and had blood drawn. I
was given a sheet of paper explaining to me what I should expect. After a few
minutes I went in. I was told I was going to feel "menstrual cramps" but
the whole procedure was horrific. I had a local anesthesia but I still felt very
horrible pain and the humiliation of having a male doctor yell at me that I better
stay still, and that I would not be given my money back if they had to stop. He
actually told me: "you shouldn't have put yourself in this position"
as he finished the procedure. After that I was taken to the recovery room
where there were about 10 other girls, some of them were crying. As soon as I left
the place I felt I had done something wrong. I tried to block it out but until I had
my first child three years ago I was in denial. Now I feel an urge to tell women who
are considering abortion no to do it. I'm glad that someone has actually taken the
time to create a website with all the facts. A friend on mine who was considering
abortion came to me the other day and I told her about your website and she is now certain
that she will have her child and keep it. Reading the letters in your site has made
me feel that I am not alone.
Thank you!!!
Mercedes |
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