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8/29/00
To all,
It's been about 3 years
now since i walked through the doors of that clinic. And for the
first time in 3 years I have had noone to talk with about the fears,
sadness, and emptiness that i felt. When i was 18 i was pregnant
and for sure intended to keep the baby. I gave birth to my son who
is now 4 years old. Shortly after i had him, i become pregnant
again. I cried for days wondering what i was supposed to do...my
boyfriend (now my husband) tried to comfort me in every way possible.
I thought i could never tell my parents that i was pregnant again, what
would they do and what would people think of me. That was all that
was going through my selfish and self-centered mind. My boyfriend
would not hear of an abortion and kept insuring me that everything would
work out for the better.
It turns out that after
lots of nights crying and pondering on what to do...I found myself
flipping through the yellow pages to look for an abortion clinic.
There are only two in Wichita which i am pretty sure everyone is pretty
familiar with because of the controversial in the many cruel years of
abortion. I called a clinic and spoke with the secretary and i
remember the first thing she asked was how i was going to pay for the
procedure. She immediately informed me that if i had medicaid it
would cost me only 250.00 out of my pockets. And so with that in
mind she set up and appointment for me, and still in the back of my mind
i kept telling myself that i had to do this for the sake of everyone.
The day came for me to go
to the clinic...alone. When i approached the clinic i parked next
door so that the protestors would not come up to me. That still
did not stop them...I remember a lady with long hair pulling at my arm,
"Don't let them take your baby away from you!" With that
i ran off in fear and approached the door which had a huge black man
gaurding the door. Inside i walked up to the front desk and again
the secretary asked for the money in cash first off. I remember
the faces and the clinic like it was yesterday. All the time i was
sitting waiting for my turn I kept saying to myself that I was better
than the others in there and that I really wasn't a murderer because my
situation was different. But as you and i know...I was just as bad
as the doctor preforming the procedure. The total time that i
spent waiting in the clinic was about 3 hours before i was called in and
the reason i think women have to wait so long is the fact the God is
giving us a final test to see if we would actually go through with it.
When the nurse called me in....my heart beat a million times faster and
thousands of images ran through my mind that i don't even remember what
the counselor was talking about. The clearest thing in my mind at
that point was hearing a very young girl about the age of 13 crying
because she had just had the prosedure done. That should have been
my wake-up call, but even that did not stop me from killing my baby.
The nurse did the sono. and told me that i was 8 weeks. Then the
doctor came in and ask me if i wanted to be sedated and i told her no
because i had to drive home. The whole procedure took about 15 min. and
to this very day i can hear the loud and haunting noise of the vacuum
that sucked the life of my little baby out. I can still feel the
sharp tool that poked inside my womb to tear up the precious little
individual inside of me. After everything was done the nurse took
me to the recovery room where there were about 6 other girls all curled
up like a fetus just crying....I wondered why i was the only one not
crying. After about 10 min. i got up and left.
That night and the
next night i remember pains that were unbearable and bleeding that just
soaked the entire comfortor. I called the clinic the next day and
asked if this was common and the nurse told me that everything should
stop soon and that i would go on with my life...Boy was she wrong.
I am married to the same
man and now have 3 healthy and wonderful kids whom I wouldn't give up
for the world. And still to this day noone knows of the terrible
sin i committed 3 years ago. I am afraid to tell my husband
because i love him with all my heart and dont know how he would handle
all of it. If anyone out there has and opinion on how i should
handle it please feel free to respond. They say that you go on in
life forgetting all about the past and never have to bring it up again.
That is the one thing that i could not do...for the past 3 years that
have gone by not a day goes by that i dont think about the child i chose
to kill...I think about whether it was a boy or a girl and that he or
she could have been 3 by now. Sometimes i lay in bed crying to
myself in disbelieve of what i have done and i dont think i could ever
forgive myself for ever doing that and i always pray to God that he
forgives me. I ask forgiveness from my heavenly child and hope
that one day we will be united so i can put my arms around my child that
never had the chance at life. I know the choices i made, the
actions i took and now i know that i am still paying the price. I
wish only to see this site 3 years ago because i know for a fact that i
would never had gone with the procedure, I cant take back what i have
done but i can only pray for others and help anyone who might be
considering and abortion because now i am the biggest Pro-Life
supporter! And i know and believe that if all Pro-lifers keep
doing what we are doing than we can save one baby at a time!
God forgives and God heals! Turn to
Him!
August 18, 2000
When I was 17 years old I found out that I was 8 weeks pregnant. My
boyfriend with whom I was "shacking up" was a 24-year old
physically and
emotionally abusive alcoholic. I decided to keep the pregnancy a secret
until I was beyond 12 weeks pregnant knowing that he would want an
abortion and I mistakenly thought that this was the maximum gestation for
having one. When I did tell him, he was furious and insisted that the
child be aborted as soon as possible. I told him that it was too late to
have one and he informed me that the clinic in fact performs abortions up
to 16 weeks of gestation.
This news broke my heart. I did not want to kill this baby, but my
co-dependence and addiction to this man won out. I finally made an
appointment with the abortion clinic. When the day arrived, my parents
(who are now very much pro-life) picked me up for the drive. My
boyfriend refused to accompany me, telling me it was a "simple
procedure"
and I would "be in and out quickly." It was a long, terrible
drive, I
remember crying all the way up. This was the last thing in the world
that I wanted to do, so why was I going along with it just to keep this
man in my life? Why didn't I just leave him and stop living this awful
life of sin, completely void of morals and ethics? All I could think
about was the size of the baby, what it must weigh and the level of
development it was at. I had already begun to feel a bond with this tiny
life inside me. I felt like my whole world was caving in and everybody
around me just wanted to me to get rid of this problem. I should have
said no but I was too weak and dependent.
When we arrived at the abortion clinic, my mother and I were directed to
a waiting room that was packed full of young girls. Everything seemed
surreal. Even though each of these girls was about to commit the same
atrocity as I was, I couldn't help thinking, "I don't belong
here." I
just cried through the whole wait. As each minute passed, I kept hoping
that the medical staff would run out of time and have to send me away.
But, eventually I was called in and given a small written questionnaire
whose purpose was to ensure that I was certain of this decision. I
slowly checked off the answers, crying and trembling with fear and
horror. I was sure that my obvious mental state would force them to
reject me. They had told me over the telephone that due to the
seriousness of this act, if they had any indication that I was not
prepared to proceed, they couldn't allow me to do so. I remember being
so surprised that this wasn't even considered. My mental state obviously
didn't matter to them, they were only interested in one thing.
Instead of counseling me about the procedure and my emotional condition,
they gave me some "pills" that they said would "calm my
nerves." Then I
went into the room where my child's fate would lie. There were many
horrible looking surgical tools laid out on a table beside the bed. The
doctor and nurses entered the room and none of them really talked to me
at all; they seemed rather hurried, almost annoyed with me. One nurse
bitterly told me to, "calm down, everything will be fine." I
felt like a
burden to them.
There was a drape covering my legs, but I could see the doctor moving
about quickly and roughly. I could feel a lot of cramping in my abdomen
and I realized that it was the sharp tools ripping apart my child. I
imagined them first removing the arms, then the legs and the head. Then,
I watched as a vacuum machine with a tube attached to it began sucking
out the pieces of this little body. The tube was actually clear so I
could see a tremendous amount of blood and clumpy masses passing through
it. The pain was unspeakable, both physically and emotionally. The
machine was loud and the suction made the most gruesome sound that I will
never forget. I would rather listen to the sound of a dentist's drill in
my ear for eternity than to hear that sound ever again for even a moment;
the gruesome sound of a baby being sucked from its' mother's womb.
The procedure took a significant amount of time, and I found out the
reason why after it was over. With sarcasm, the apathetic doctor told
me, "Well, you were a lot further along than 16 weeks." It turns
out
that I was actually 18 to 20 weeks pregnant.
A nurse then told me that I could use an adjacent bathroom to clean up.
I slid off the bed and felt so weary, in shock and in pain that my mother
had to hold me up. As I slowly made my way toward the bathroom, I looked
down and saw a drop of my blood about the size of a half-dollar fall to
the floor. Seeing that blood clarified what I had done and I will never
forget it. That was all that was left of my child. That was it.
I discarded my baby at a clinic of death that night, brutally murdered
and left to rot in a sink. That child did not deserve that heinous
murder. They told me the recovery time would be a couple of days with
some mild cramping and light bleeding. Well, this was totally
downplayed, when in fact there were several days of significant abdominal
pain and an extraordinary amount of bleeding, so much that I had to wear
diapers for a week. It's funny, they informed me about the cost of the
abortion and the amount of time it should take to be completed, but what
they didn't tell me about was the nightmares I would have for months
afterwards or the tremendous shame that I would feel. They didn't tell
me that I would be riddled with guilt and regret for the rest of my life
and fear of being able to give a healthy birth in the future. The guilt,
shame and fear that I feel are minute compared to the brutality that I
condemned my unborn child to, but it's odd how the Pro-Choicer's
illustrate this horror as a simple procedure when the truth is that it is
nothing short of a brutal massacre of a human life.
I will now have to live with the choice I made for the rest of my life.
I allowed a "doctor of death" to enter my womb, literally tear
my child
apart and suck it out of my body. This baby never had a chance to smile,
dream, laugh or cry. His or her life was savagely snuffed out. Is this
what Pro-Choice means? That you have the choice to have your unborn
human baby diced up and violently sucked out of your body and down a sink
drain?
The sole purpose of that abortion clinic is to murder human babies,
herding women through like cattle, not so far off from what Hitler did in
WWII. They did not halt the procedure upon observing my obvious mental
state proving that there was absolutely no concern for this irreversible
decision that I was about to undertake. They were cold and ill mannered
during the procedure.
Women have been so blessed by God with the most beautiful gift of being
the caretaker of life; unfortunately the world has given them the right
to end life. This should not be a right of women but rather illegal as
it is cold-blooded murder in the first degree.
I am now 29 years old, married to a loving, devoted husband and have a
beautiful little girl whom I treasure with all my heart. And on May 21
of this year, I gave my heart to Christ. I was saved and delivered from
evil. My Lord forgave me of my sins and for the first time in my life, I
am truly happy. It will continue to be a journey of healing, but now
that I have Christ in my life, everything is possible. He has given me
an Amazing Grace and a new life. He's also given me immeasurable
strength, love and guidance. Although the sin I committed on March 15,
1989 remains fresh in my mind, my old life also seems a distant memory as
I embark on my walk with Jesus.
Cynthia
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| 8/14/00
Two years ago, my husband and I went into an abortion
clinic in Seattle, WA. I was 26 weeks pregnant. They told me to sign
a form stating that I was only 24 weeks along. They also gave me a drug to
make me relax and feel sleepy. I was so nervous lying there on the table
as they did an ultra sound. It was all so familiar, since I already have 3
other kids at home. Ages 1-5. I watched the screen and saw my baby's
heart beating. Then we watched our baby suck on his hand. They
really did not want me to see any of this, but I insisted. I could not
believe I was doing this. I looked up at my husband with tears in my eyes,
trying to read his thoughts. Maybe he would have second thoughts too. But
we both knew we had to go threw with it. I almost died after a c-section
with our last child, and we were told that another birth would have the
same results. So they took me into another room. They gave me gas to
breath and they gave me pain medication. I lied there with my legs spread
apart. As I started to drift off, I was saying to myself "How can I
be doing this" About 20 minutes later I was still on the table
with a blue cloth draped over me. I pulled the cloth away from my face and
looked over at a table a few feet from me. It took my eyes awhile to
adjust, but when they did I was horrified to see my little baby boy lying
on that cold table. His tiny legs were moving, and his hands were opening
and closing. He made sounds like a baby bird. The nurse turned the table
around when she was leaving the room, and I looked right into my sons
eyes. They pierced threw me with sadness. It was then that I saw his left
arm was hanging on by only skin. When the nurse pushed the table out
of the room, I thought for a while maybe my baby is going to live and they
are going to take him to another room to fix him. I kind of smiled
as she left the room. I was sure I would see my son again. He looked so
big and just like any other baby just a little smaller. Well, I never saw
him again. I am only left knowing that he suffered and died all alone
because I had him murdered. I have moved on in life, but daily I wonder
what ever happened to my little boy.
Forever filled with sadness
So very sorry baby boy.
Lisa |
7/28/00
Hi, I'm a 22 year-old nurse. I had a
D&C abortion in August of '99. I was 8 weeks along and in the middle
of nursing school. I found the most idiotic and selfish reasons to abort
my baby. I made my appointment at the abortion clinic. I was told that
my baby was just a piece of non-living tissue, and that it could not
feel pain. I was a nursing student and I knew better than what they told
me there. However, I denied what I knew and chose to believe the doctor.
I put on the paper gown, laid on a cold table, and allowed a stranger to
suck my baby out of me. I wish that I would've visited this site before
my abortion. The abortion pictures are so strong a message. I regret
what I did, and now I have to live with the pain and torment that go
along with it. I will forever remember the abortion and the little
innocent baby that I killed. I have since given my life to God and found
love, mercy, and peace in His love. I now volunteer my time at a local
crisis pregnancy center in my area. I hope that my story will help to
change the minds of young teens and women about having an abortion. It
is not an easy thing to deal with! You may think that an abortion will
be the end of it all, but I can tell all women that it is only the
beginning. If there are any women who read this and would like to
talk, please feel free to email me.
lurena00@yahoo.com
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| 5/15/00
Hello,
I am a 18 year old mom who at first chose abortion for my unplanned
pregnancy. I was 27 weeks in to my pregnancy and chose the Dilation
and Extraction method (seaweed method and partial birth abortion).
The doctor gave me a prostaglandin and the seaweed injection in to my
stomach. He told me that it would take approximately three days for
me to go in to labor. I thought about it that night and I wanted my
baby. I didn't know how I could stop the abortion since the seaweed
was already injected in to me. So my mother rushed me to the
emergency room. They delivered my baby girl by cesarean section.
The baby wasn't dead but too small to live outside of the uterus.
She died two hours later. To this day I regret choosing the abortion
because my baby was a human being. She even let out a cry when she
was delivered. If I had waited any longer, the Laminaria (the
seaweed) would have taken effect and they would have delivered my baby,
and cut the back of her skull and suck her brains out. I'm kinda
glad that I chose to go to the emergency room and get her delivered.
The seaweed hadn't really expanded enough to dilate my cervix so she could
have lived if she was a couple of weeks older. My baby would be 18
months old now if she was alive. She has a grave and a tombstone
like a human being and aborted babies should have. Thank you so much
for spreading the word and the truth about abortions!
Anonymous |
4/28/00
I viewed your web pages yesterday
and I felt like I just had to say something. You have done a great job
of providing the truth about abortion and not the sugar coated version
that an abortion clinic will give a woman.1 year ago today I had an
abortion and I just wish that I could have seen this website before hand
because it would have kept me from MURDERING my unborn child. When I
went to that abortion clinic I was completely lied to and convinced that
I was doing the right thing. Until Yesterday I had blocked the whole
thing from my mind. I never thought about it, I never cried. Last night
I spent the whole night crying for the child that I has so carelessly
tossed away. I only hope that I can be forgiven. Its sad that these
clinics are not required to give you this information whenever you go in
for an abortion because if they did I think that any decent person would
turn around and leave. I wonder if all the pro-choice people even
realize exactly what they are supporting? I would imagine that they are
like I was and that they have no idea. You are doing a wonderful thing
with this website. It is so direct and to the point and I think that is
what it takes for people to realize the horror of abortion.
Unfortunately I am afraid that most people like me will not see this
website until they have already made the biggest mistake of there lives. At
least though it may stop someone from doing it again and may help them
to stop someone else from doing it. I know that my eyes are now wide
open to the abortion issue. One last thing before I end this-how would I
go about joining a pro-life group? I would like to be a part of
something so that I could in some small way make an amend for what I
have done only I don't know where to start.
Thank you so much!!!
Cherie
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| 4/22/00
I have just seen your website, and I would like to say
that I wish I would have seen it long ago. When I was 15, my mother
learned of my pregnancy, and insisted on an abortion. I spoke of adoption,
but she wouldn't hear of it. She claimed that going through with the
pregnancy would "disgrace the family" and "ruin my
life". She scheduled an appointment with an abortion clinic the next
day. When I got to the clinic, there were several protestors outside. They
were yelling at
me and pulling at my clothes. "Don't do it!", "You will be
a murderer!" It took 4 people to get me inside safely. I got in the
clinic, and a so called "doctor" did an ultrasound. I was only 7
weeks along, so he could not find the baby. He said they could not do it
until they knew the exact position of the fetus. I was very relieved,
hoping this was a sign from God and that my mother would come to her
senses and call it off. But no such luck. She re-scheduled the appointment
for about 1 week later. I went back the following week, and they made us
all watch a video about the procedures, and complications that might
occur. Several women left immediately after, and one woman found out she
was having twins and left. I wished so badly I could follow her, but there
was my mother, staring at me with a disappointed glare. Shortly after,
they took me to another room where I was to put on a gown, and they put me
in a wheel chair. I was taken to another room with about 8 other women.
One by one they were taken away, and then it was my turn. I was put on a
table, given anesthesia, and told to count backwards from 100. At about
90, I was out. I remember waking up in another room with a large
blood-soaked pad between my legs. There were several sobbing women in the
room with me as I called out my boyfriend's name until my mother came in
the room. She was the last person that I wanted to see at that point. She
brought me a stuffed Easter bunny which I held on to for a number of
years. It was the only thing I had left of my unborn child. It was the
most horrifying experience of my life. I only wish there were some way to
turn back time to do it all over again, knowing what I know now. I would
have run, hid, whatever I had to do to keep the baby inside me alive. I
wish when I was given the "information pamphlet" in the clinic,
it would have been as informing as your website. I know for a fact that
would have changed my mind. Recently my best friend was pregnant, and
having another child with severe medical problems, she considered
abortion. I told her my story, which I have never told anyone else, and
she quickly changed her mind. She gave birth to a 10 pound
baby boy almost a year ago, and placed him for adoption. A man and woman
who can't have children took him and she even gets to see him sometimes. I
now have three children of my own, all boys, and it kills me everyday that
the one I killed might have been my little girl. I plan on having more
children, but I will never forget the one I lost to such a horrible
tragedy. Thank you for your informing website, and I hope this letter
helps just one more baby live.
Michelle |
| 4/7/00
I came across your website because I wanted to know what
went on while I was unconscious during my abortion. I was appalled to find
out the things that I did and to see the pictures that I saw. the doctor
who did my abortion told me that my baby was just a piece of tissue at 8
weeks old and I believed him. I was 15 years old, I thought that I
was making the right decision. I was wrong and now I feel so bad. Patients
should be told of what the doctors are doing. If I had know that they were
going to rip my precious baby into a bunch of different part I would never
have done what I did. If someone had told me or if I had seen this website
earlier I would not have had an abortion. My boyfriend that I was with
then and am still with now told me that he helped the doctor, he handed
the doctor the tools that he used. He
told me that the doctor asked him to help because there was no nurse or
whatever to assist him. My boyfriend was worried about me and he helped
the doctor because he didn't want anything to go wrong. My boyfriend and I
never talked about what happened that day, behind those closed doors at
the clinic. We never talked about how much it hurt us until we found this
site. Thank you so much for making this web site I think that everyone
should visit here and get the real facts. I found out I was pregnant 6
months ago and now I am 6 and a half months pregnant and my child will
have the right to live and not to be slaughtered. Again I want to thank
you for this site and I want others to know what the doctors really do
because they don't tell you, they put you under a general anesthetic and
they brutally kill your unborn child. It should be illegal and I hope
someday that it will be.
Thank you. Kristin |
| 3/22/00
I was researching some sites on the disruptive school
systems and what not, and I came across a link that lead me to this site,
I debated with my own conscious of whether I should view those pictures or
not. I decided to, and when I saw what actually goes on, I felt as though
my heart was being ripped from my chest, I have never cried so terribly
since I lost my brother to cancer back in 94...See, they fail to reveal
these realities to the victims in these abortion clinics....they make it
sound like its a piece of tissue, a non living thing if caught early, that's
what I had thought, and that is what my girlfriend thought also. I am
feeling such a terrible guilt right now that I can not explain, the sad
part of it all, is that the pain I am feeling is in no way of comparison
of the pain of those living tiny human beings that were stripped away from
what they thought was a secure world, being torn apart limb by limb,
trying to fight to cling to their mothers womb, endured, imagine yourself
or another person being dislimbered in front of your eyes, would you not
scream out in pain? would you not wonder why this is happening to you?
what did you do to do deserve this?....excuse me if I jumble my words. I
am fighting to type this with tears flooding my face....This is
where this is tearing me apart.... I was one of those individuals that
said women had a right to do what they wanted to do with their
bodies.......I was one of those individuals that scowled at the
protestors outside of the abortion clinic...I was one who advised my
girlfriend to have a abortion when she asked my advice on it...I was one
of those individuals that supported her and went to the abortion clinic
with her....IF ONLY...I could have come across these photographs before
that....I would have done everything in my power of influence with her to
choose another alternative...but it's to late, and I'll never know what
that influence may have been. And a life in the name of convenience, has
brutally and in the most cruel fashion, been taken. I may have not
held the tools of the abortionist, and I may have not been the final
decision maker of whether or not that baby lived or died, but I feel as
guilty if I had. I had a voice to say no, don't do it! where that tiny
baby had no voice, I could have at least tried...but I did nothing.
I can not express the remorse I have at this moment...I may not have
pulled the trigger, but I handed her the bullets.. :(
May God forgive me, or better yet, may God help me forgive myself for
dipping my hands in innocent blood....What is even worse, she went on to
have three more after that one...and with each one it became easier and
easier....I know from sitting in the waiting room of the abortion clinic
waiting for my best friend to be done with the procedure, ...that it is a
common thing. In brief conversations I heard many say that this was
their 3rd and others up to their 6th abortion...and no, they tell you
nothing, they do not try to discourage you, they had my girlfriend sign a
paper that they asked her if she would like to view a movie about the
procedure, they said it was mandatory to ask, and of course, my friend
declined, they all do...after seeing these photos I believe it should be
mandatory for them to HAVE to view them BY LAW, and could guarantee
you
most likely, that you would see that clinic empty out fast. Oh, to
answer VEGA's earlier question about all those babies being later
term and not six weeks, ABORTION CLINICS WILL NOT DO A ABORTION SOONER
THAN 12 WEEKS, that's why you wont see a six week old fetus Vega, I know
this to be fact, I remember the waiting period my friend went thru, and it
is mandatory, but aside from that, don't you think from what you have seen
is already enough? I think some people would just like to keep living in
denial that it is not a baby from day one, like I was myself, I thought
that they didn't feel or even have form until about 12 weeks...I was
totally ignorant or was that my way of sugar coating the truth to deceive
my own conscious of a murder?...I am going to close out with this...I may
not be able to undo what I had done, but I owe it to that one child
that I could have some intervention and voice to say "choose
Life" for..I am going to promote this site to anyone I ever hear of
speaking of abortion...I am going to plea with the senate and whoever else
I have to if it takes a thousand letters to stop this brutal murder of
babies, and if it saves even one, just one, then I will have attempted to
have voice and defend those tiny beautiful babies a chance at life and
miss not one more........
Larae |
| 2/24/00
I just wanted to thank you for your well-done, important
site. I am going to mail you a check today to help support your
organization.
I have been pregnant three times: two of my children I murdered by
abortion, and one I placed for adoption. I was between the ages of
15 - 16 at the time of all three pregnancies. I was a selfish young
woman who didn't know how to respect myself, and I found myself having
casual sex with
boys because I guess I was looking for "love." Even
the child I placed for adoption wasn't spared because I saw abortion for
the murderous act that it really is. No, the only reason my son
lived was because I waited too long to have the abortion and the clinic
told me I had to go full term.
I am 34 now, and I accepted Christ into my heart as my Lord and Savior ten
years ago. Over the past ten years, I have shed many tears for those babies that I
killed. I know that God has forgiven me, but sometimes the pain of
my actions remains. I am looking forward to the day when I die and
go to heaven. I know I will see my sons or daughters there.
And I thank God that He didn't allow me to kill a third time. That
little baby boy that I almost killed but who was spared has grown into a
fine young man. I recently contacted his adoptive parents and
learned from them just how special he is and how much joy he has brought
to their lives. Ironically, I looked in a name book to find out what my son's two names
mean. The name that I gave him means "preserved," and the
name his adoptive parents gave him means "bringer of light."
I hope to meet my son in person one day so that I can tell him how God
preserved him when I wanted to destroy him and how he was able to bring
light to a family who couldn't have
children on their own.
Abortion TV, keep up the fight for all of those babies who don't have a
voice!!!!
Sincerely,
Rena
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| 2/10/00 I just wanted to say I am glad someone finally came up with a site like
this. When I was 17 I got pregnant and I didn't kow how I felt about anything. I
wasn't ready to have a child but I didn't want an abortion either and my mother and my
boyfriend wanted me to have an abortion they finally made me do it. I regret it so much I
am 25 now I think about it everyday what the baby would be like now. I have a 5 year old
boy now and I got pregnant again we wanted another one and I lost it at 4
months it was so hard. Now I have twin boys that are 2 years old and I thank GOD for them.
When my mom took me in for the abortion all I remember is being scared and the doctor
never asked if I was sure I wanted it they don't care my mom signed some papers they took
me off inta a room and put me on a table they told me i would get tired and it seemed like
a couple of seconds later I woke up. I wasn't in pain just mentally me and my boyfriend
got married in 92 and we are still together but I despise him and my mom for making me do
that. If I would of seen these
pictures and videos back then I would never of done it no matter what. I will always
remember that little innocent baby that I killed. It does give you mental problems and
relationship problems I think of leaving all the time even tho we have the 3 beautiful
little boys it is so hard to look at my husband much less anything else without thinking
about what him and my mom made me do I try to forgive them but it is so hard when I can't
forgive myself.
I have been put on a depression medication it helps but nothing will ever take the pain
away. I just pray that god will forgive me and help me forgive myself and one day I will
meet the baby I lost and the one I aborted in heaven. I know they are safe with god I just
want them here with me. If anyone wants to talk with me about it I would be glad to talk
with you. :o)
groomerlesa@aol.com
God Bless all the babies and the parents!
Lesa |
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#1, Letters From Those Who've Had Abortions |
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