Hear, in their own words, how their abortions affected their lives.  (Email us your own story.)

7/15/08

I am 27 years old and I have had 3 abortions. That is the first time I have ever admitted that to anyone.  The first abortion was at age 20. My boyfriend didn't want the baby,  we already had a 6 month old son.  He gave me every reason under the sun why I should not have it.  After dealing with the stress of already having an infant, I killed my second child. I will never forget the sterile white room, the masked doctors, pointless forms to fill out, and the empty look of 20+ girls whose babies were going to die the same day as mine.  That day was June 5, 2001.  The next abortion was July 22, 2002... I was 21 years old, my son was a year and a half,  and I had the same boyfriend with the same excuses.  He discussed the abortion on July 4th over dinner at Red Lobster.  When the 22nd came, he dropped me off and came back several hours later.  His car wouldn't start upon us leaving the clinic... I was mortified...crying for my third baby as I had done for my second... I kept begging for forgiveness.  The feeling of going into the clinic and leaving empty....almost souless...still haunts me everyday.  The guilt and resentment, towards my then boyfrjend played a major role in us breaking up.  Just think...the very person  I was afraid of losing, the one I allowed to talk me into killing my children , is the very one who wound up being part of my past anyway.   

Fast forward some years to age 26.  I now had a year old daughter and the man of my dreams.  One who treated my son as his own and cared for our daughter like every father should.  Ironically, he too tried to convince me of aborting her.  Being a man with a very strong relationship with God, he threw phrases like " The Lord'll forgive you baby...let's just pray about it....think about your children., do you want them to struggle?"  But I fought and fought for our daughters life ...and won.  Now you would think with a beautiful 6 year old son and baby girl and two deeply regretted abortions I would have learned.  But, I didn't.  On November 2, 2007, I had my 3rd abortion.  This one the hardest.  Why?  Because not even a week before, I went to a regular OB/GYN appt and listened to my babies heart beat for the first and last time.  I can still remember the doctor saying "Well, here's your little peanut!" ...and I still went through with it.  I allowed my daughter's father to fill my head with bogus religious reasons as to why this was the best for us.  The best for US!  But what about our baby...why doesn't my baby deserve a chance?  But he pointed out our struggles raising the two we had, our middle wage jobs, our high bills.  That, coupled with my selfishness and insecurity allowed me to really believe I was doing this for the betterment of me and my childrens' lives.  Except the life of 5th child is the one I didn't think about. 

As I sit here on this couch, I find it a blessing that I came to this site.  I just found out I was pregnant yesterday and once again have my boyfriend, my daughters father, telling me how abortion is "best for us."  This time though, I am strong enough to leave him...my other half....for the life of my unborn child. 

Here I am --27 years old and still live with the pain of lives I chose to lose.  I think of my  angels everyday and torture myself with the sound of my unborn babies heartbeat.  Torture myself by looking at pictures like the one on this website.  I do it because the reality is...though the Lord has forgiven me, I can not forgive myself.  I have nightmares that when I die, those 3 angels will ?"   be at the gates waiting for me asking me one question... "Mommy, why me ?" . I can not tell you what to do.  This decision is no easier for a 27 year old than it is a 17 year old.  Just take a second and think about this.  If you can live with the consequences of lifelong regret and "what-jf's".... if you can live with nightmares...if you can live with tears and resentment... as a matter of fact...if YOU CAN LIVE........

Why can't your baby? 

8/17/07

Today I am 50 years old. When I was 16 I got pregnant and initially planned on having my baby...but my mother pressured me into having this "operation" and to forget about it. My boyfriend went into denial, and so I thought that if the doctors, government and my Mom thought it was okay, that it must be.  In my twenties I was again single and pregnant, my boyfriend pressured me to abort, sadly I did. This time I went to an abortion clinic, it was horrific, I was wide awake, it was VERY painful, I went into shock and felt like I had been raped again.

I got an infection, damaged cervix, badly scarred uterus, and was only able to have one child, a beautiful son, he is 15 years old and I love being a Mom.  Doctors said that due to the damage done as a result of those abortions, they couldn't believe I had him!  Children are a blessing, they will never hurt you. Don't believe the lies. God will help you, there is help. It's a baby. Abortion deeply hurt me, and killed my children, it is a wrong, and not a right! Rev. 12:11 

6/22/07

Unfortunately, I chose to have an abortion last November.  It was the worst mistake of my life.  I knew it was wrong, but I tried to cling to the pro-choice rhetoric and believe it would be all over in an hour.  To think I could do something so horrific and believe I could just sweep it under the rug emotionally.   

To any other women out there who are facing a crisis pregnancy and are on the fence about what to do, please do not make the horrible mistake I did.  The grief and remorse are unbearable.  I feel far more sorrow over losing this unborn baby than losing any person who was born, and I have lost a lot of relatives.  At least those people got to live their lives, and I got to know them--unlike my unborn baby whom I killed. 

You might think abortion is a quick fix, but it's not at all.  Far from it!  I felt a whopping 2 hours of relief after the abortion--and several months of ongoing severe depression.   

No matter what your reasons for having the abortion, nothing is worth it.  Anything you choose over your baby will have blood on it.  For instance, one reason I had the abortion was to pursue graduate school. But now, my degree and new career will be tainted by my baby's blood.  I would trade anything to have my baby back now. 

A driving factor in making the decision to abort was that I was under extreme anxiety during the pregnancy.  Anxiety will cause you to think very pessimistically and irrationally, making you more prone to abort.  It is your mind playing tricks on you.  After I had the abortion and the anxiety came down, I realized how completely senseless my abortion was, and I could think of a million solutions of how to have the baby and pursue the other things in life I wanted to pursue. 

If you are experiencing extreme anxiety, there is an antianxiety drug called buspirone (Buspar) which is safe to take during pregnancy.  Ask your doctor about taking it.  I had assumed no drug would be safe to take; I only found out I could have taken buspirone after the pregnancy.  If I had known that before, I might have been able to bring down my anxiety, and my baby might have been saved.  If you do not want to take drugs, other methods to bring down anxiety include hypnosis and acupuncture.  Give them a try.  You cannot make a sound decision if you are under severe anxiety.   

Please don't put yourself through the hell I'm going through now.  If I can save one baby's life and one woman from going through the emotional agony I am now going through, my precious baby's death will not have been in vain.  

October 13, 2006 

Remember how ms. magazine is having all those 'pro choice people send their proclamation of how happy they were when they aborted to get support for not stopping abortion?  Well I went there and declared to them.   I had an abortion in 1976, and I am NOT proud of it at all.   I miss my son Brandon everyday.  I was 16 weeks pregnant with his dear self.  it was done by the prostaglandin method which slowly chokes that child to death.

 I did not know everything I know now about abortion at all, in those days there were no crisis pregnancy centers, nor was the information out there at all.  it was not my choice at all.  my father, the father of the baby and my mom all conspired on this cuz they didn't want me to have him.  however the cancer of abortion wills top with me, my mom did it 2 times and my sister at least once.   they feel no regrets and cant figure out still why I cant forget, its past. when I got married and had our 2 daughters in 1983 and 1989 I had so much cervical damage I had to have 2 csections. deprived of even breast feeding. I was robbed. of my son and the  gift of breast feeding. I did not abort out of selfishness , I was carrying out others choices not mine,

I was out on the maternity ward in queens hospital in Hawaii for that.  The whole  thing was so evil and the pain was indescribable. and not fair I wanted him. however I took responsibility for it and confessed it to JESUS the only one who can heal you and now I do all I cant stop it.  I learned the hard way that you cannot just do whatever you want in life, the minute you have sex you are immediately responsible for if you have a child or not.  And you will never get that one back, there's only one of all of us. he is safe with JESUS now but I miss him so. please stop the killing, pretty soon it will be on the other end they will kill us when we get too old to  support. STOP ABORTION NOW.  Bless you.

10/6/06

I am 44 years old.  I have had three abortions. Two at age 16 and one at age 22.  I thought I only regretted and grieved the third one.  I was so wrong!  You never forget and you always regret.  Regret shows itself in many ways.I have recently been through a 10 week long Forgiveness bible study where, for the first time, I told the story of my abortions.  It was so healing to be able to talk about it, to grieve these children and to talk with other women who've been through it.  Society implies that if you made this "choice", you have no regrets and no right to grieve if you do have regrets. I'll spare many of the details but at age 16, I became pregnant and my first thought was "abortion!".  I had always mouthed off that it was murder...until an unplanned pregnancy was my situation.  My mother fully supported and encouraged and abortion.  I was supposed to go back to the clinic for a follow-up appointment and birth control.  It was snowing that night and we never made it.  (Nobody ever suggested that perhaps I should keep my pants on until I was married).  So, new boyfriend, not long after and we began to have sex.  I really wanted to keep this baby but he said "No, we'll get married after we graduate and we'll have another baby."  I didn't realize I could have gone against his wishes.  I really wanted to keep that baby. 

Third time, age 22, old enough to get married, baby's father didn't offer. Knee jerk reaction-abortion.  Same clinic as before, rude and nasty doctors and nurses.  I'm sure they get hard-serial murderers aren't warm and fuzzy people.  An ultrasound most likely would have changed my mind.  A loving word from the boyfriend would have helped, too.  I grieved this child for a long time.  Until I went through the bible study, I used to fantasize about what I would do if I found a baby "thrown away".  I now recognize that as a reaction to my abortions.

I know my Lord forgives me, I will see my children in heaven.  I have named them and had a memorial service for them.  I am finally at peace but still regret my decisions.

It is a real baby, it is a gift from God, it is painful in many ways, and it is wrong.  If you find yourself with an unwanted pregnancy-WAIT.  Take time to become informed about your child's options.  You can give birth.  You can keep or adopt the child.  You can get help caring for your child.  YOu can You can You can... do so many things to save your child's life. God loves you and your child. 

9/25/06

I had an abortion 15 days ago. I was nervous as I could possibly be going in that clinic. I had put the abortion off for a long time. I sat there for a long time waiting. The nurse finally called me back and gave me half a valium and said she needed $425 from me then. I gave her the money and continued to wait. About an hour later she then gave me a celebrex. About 30 minutes later, the doctor told me to get undressed and he would be in. I looked over the room first. I saw the machine they used to suction the baby out. I could have started crying then. I replayed the whole decision in my head. I just knew I had to go through with it. He examined me and did an ultrasound. He then said "why did you wait so long?" I said what do you mean? He said you are 13 and 1/2 a week pregnant. "For 300 more dollars I can help you with this problem." He then said are you going to pay the money? I told him I had to call someone to bring me the money and asked him if this increased the risks of something going wrong. He simply said get your clothes on and then we will talk about it. He made me wait about 2 more hours. When I got back there he said I had to just remain calm and not to freak out or he wouldn't do it. I got undressed and tried to prepare myself. He told me not to cry and not to make a sound. "SILENCE", he yelled. That had to have been the longest 10 minutes of my life. The pain is indescribable. I was sweating so bad from the pain and pail. When they allowed me to get up and made a make shift tiaper from the blanket I laid on I went to the restroom where I sat on the toilet and prayed for the Lord to have mercy on me for at least 30 minutes. I put my clothes on and waited on a couch for him to come back in. He said get up and walk around and eat a good lunch it will help the pain go away.

       I really wish I wouldn't have done it! I regret it everyday. I cant help but think of what my child would have been like. The physical and emotional pain of  my abortion will be with me for the rest of my life. I would advise anyone to rethink their decision of an abortion. I cant take my decision back, and it will weigh on my heart for the rest of my days.                                                             

August 12, 2006                                                     

Hi, I guess I've never done this before. Like tell someone about my problems without even knowing them. But I feel like I need to get this off my chest. The pain I have been feeling ever since I got an abortion. It's not a physical pain its just an emotional pain that I have inside me. I had my first abortion at 18, I never knew I would remember this for the rest of my life.

It all started when I was dating this guy in high school, we were head over heels about each other. We started having sex and without using a condom. Of course I knew the risks about having sex unprotected but at that moment I didn't care. It was around the end of my senior year when I noticed I wasn't getting my period. I told my boyfriend and he told me to buy a pregnancy test and I did. It came out positive, I was sooo scared I did not know what to do. I was afraid to tell my parents because to them I was still their little girl. As soon as I told my boyfriend he told me that he was too young to have a baby and that his mom would kill him. Then he asked me if I was going to keep it and I told him yeah.

He got so mad that he told me that he would break up with me. All he said was that he would come up with the money and to make an appointment with the clinic. Since I had no to talk to or I chose not to I decided to go through with the procedure. That day we went to the clinic and I didn’t even speak to him. He gave the “so called nurse” the money. Automatically, they took me into this room with a bed, made me take off my clothes and put on a gown. After that all I remember is asking the doctor if this was going to hurt. He said no. Later I woke up in the recovery room with other women beside me. After that me and my boyfriend broke up and never spoke to each other again.

Thru some of my friends I have found out that he has a baby with another girl. This is the worst experience in my life and I hope no one has to go thru it. It is a life u are killing and something u will regret for the rest of your life. You will ask yourself day after day what the baby might of been, who it might of looked like, I know I do. Every night I pray for that baby that didn’t have a chance to live and I hope that God is taking care of him or her for me. And that just maybe when I go to heaven I will get the chance to see and be with my baby. 

4/9/06

Hi--  My name is Melissa and I am now 24 years old.   I wrote the following letter a little shy of one year ago to a wonderful website, standupgirl.com.  I had just had an abortion, and I felt I needed to get my story out there in the hopes that it may help at least ONE woman not make the same painful mistake I did.  My one year anniversary on my abortion is coming up, one week from today, Easter Sunday actually.  One year later, the pain is no worse then that horrible day when I walked out of the abortion clinic.  I miss my baby more then ever, and I left my husband because of the abortion.  I just want to let people know that the pain is not just physical, actually, the physical pain is nothing compared to the piercing ache I feel in my soul every day.  And it doesn't JUST go away, and you can't just GET OVER IT.  It's a ghost, a ghost that I'm afraid will haunt me for the rest of my life.  The only thing that get me out of bed somedays is that I know by posting my story, there are at least 7 babies growing happily in their mommies bellies, or just recently born, because of my experience, which is why I am so dedicated to continuing to share it.  

I had an abortion last month, and if I had had any idea I would feel how i did, no way on earth would I have gone through with it.

I'm 20, and had been told I probably wouldn't be able to have kids, so my boyfriend and I were never all that careful. Then, just before Christmas, I started to feel sick a lot, stuff that I used to love eating made me feel sick or tasted different, and some smells had me gagging and running for the bathroom. So even before my period was late, I knew I was pregnant. When I did that test and it came up positive, I didn't know how to feel. I couldn't believe it, but what with how I was feeling, I knew it was right. I was happy, I had always wanted kids young, and although I knew my boyfriend didn't want kids just yet, I figured once I told him he would come round to it. So I called a friend first,  I wanted to take another test, just to be sure. She was all wide eyed, what are you going to do? sort of thing. I just felt shocked, but also really, I don't know, special. I had a baby inside of me, I was going to be a mum. I didn't want to go to a doctor to begin with, I wanted to tell my boyfriend first, we had talked before about what would happen if somehow I did get pregnant, and he always said have an abortion and I always said I didn't think I could do that. So I told him, and he didn't really believe me, but he was so so so cold to me. I couldn't believe it. I mean it was unplanned, but how could he not feel the rush of love I had when I first found out? It was our baby! I'm crying as I type this, but he was just so cold and so sure, I didn't want to bring a baby into the world who's daddy didn't want it, I didn't want to tell my parents and have them be disappointed in me. I didn't want to lose my partner, so I had an abortion. I will never ever ever forgive myself for letting someone push me into it. The same as I will never ever forget how my boyfriend treated me . Funny thing, I did it so I wouldn't lose him, but now I hate him so it didn't really matter. I have lost the boyfriend who said he loved me no matter what and that he would always be there for me, because I know it's not true.

2/2/06

I just wanted to say that I saw the movie "A Distant Thunder" yesterday. It really messed with my head. It was only a 35 minute movie, but it didn't seem like it. It really made me feel worse about my own abortion, that I have been trying to move past for 4 years now. I cryed my self to sleep last night because I felt so horrible. I think everyone should see it though. It really puts that reality in perspective. You will definately see abortion in a whole new light. I don't recommnd it for anyone under the age of 16 though, there were some graphic scenes. 

2/2/06

My heart pounds as I write.  My stomach is churning.  I had an abortion in about 1974.  I was married and my husband and I were trying for a baby.  I got pregnant and was very happy.  I told my husband at dinner.  He got mad and said he would leave if I had the baby.  I had a two year old son at the time by a previous marriage.  I called my mother and told her my husband wanted me to have an abortion or he was leaving.  She actually told me an abortion would probably be best.  The one I thought I could trust to stand by me, my own mother counseled me to abort my baby!!  I wanted that baby so bad!  My husband talked me into abortion.  

I waited as long as I could to make the appointment.  The last time I called, the abortion clinic said I would have to make my decision soon, or it would be too late.  I wanted it to be too late!  But I got scared, and made the appointment. 

The actual appointment was a nightmare!!  They told me that "it" was just a blob of blood, not even a formed baby yet.  That was a total lie!  I put on a gown, and they put me on a table in stirrups.  I was left with my legs apart in those stirrups for a long time.  I was crying so hard!  When the doctor and nurses came it, I told them I didn't want to do it!  I said NO!  The doctor said to "think good thoughts or you'll have nightmares under the anesthesia".  I said NO, and they put the needle in me and put me out!!!!!  I indeed had a nightmare!  I dreamt I was on a conveyer belt going through a tunnel of uterine materials.  That's the only way I can describe it.  It was all around me, swirling, thick tissue.  I was terrified! 

When I woke up, I was crying my eyes out.  I held my stomach and kept saying, "My baby! My baby!"  I thought frantically that maybe I hadn't had the abortion yet, that maybe I still had a chance...maybe the baby was still safe inside me.  A nurse came over (I was in the recovery room with several other women) and said, "I know....I know...It's alright..."   

My husband picked me up and took me home.  I hated him!  His first words were, "We can have another baby".  I had nightmares every night, I was depressed...  I kept waking up, hearing a baby cry.  I would sit up with the hope that it was all a nightmare and my baby was crying for me.  My husband got sick of my depression and longing for my baby.  I got pregnant about 1 1/2 years later.  My husband said the same thing to me... "Get an abortion!  I don't want a baby!"  I ran for my baby's life!!  I moved in with my mother out of town.  She wasn't sympathetic, but I didn't care!  I just wanted a place to go where I could have my baby!  I had a beautiful little girl.  I left my husband, but he fell in love with that little girl.  She now has a 2 yr. old and another one on the way. 

My youngest daughter got pregnant with her 3rd child and she called from out of state to tell me she was going to have an abortion.  I sent her Pro-life info and pictures.  She was insistent that she was having an abortion as soon as she got the $100.  I prayed to God that she wouldn't get the money.  I called her several times....even in the middle of the night to plead with her to at least have the baby and give her up for adoption.  After viewing the materials I sent her, she decided to have the baby.  I became the grandmother/guardian of that baby the day she was born.  She is now 5 years old!  Such a beauty! 

One of my other daughters ended up pregnant too.  It just happened to be about the time I fell apart from my previous abortion.  I was reading the abortion materials and had the pictures, and ended up joining a recovery group from the local Crisis Pregnancy Center.  I saw my daughter pick up the materials and take them to her room.  She read them and told me she was pregnant and that she decided to have her baby.  She is now married to the father.  Their daughter is now 8 years old.  They are planning their second baby!  I am blessed with 6 grandchildren currently. 

I'll never forget the nightmare.  I went to the abortion clinic that took my baby when Crisis Pregnancy Center had a candlelight vigil.  We were actually on the news!  I held pictures of an aborted baby, which said, "Abortion hurts women".  The news showed the writing, but not the picture....  I'm not afraid to tell of my abortion.  It has saved some babies, though I lost one girl, who ended up aborting.  I'll always take a stand in defense of the unborn, and against the bloody slaughter of generations of children!  When one baby is aborted, it's not just one life lost, but their children and their children's children....entire generations die in each baby killed. 

Thanks for listening.  I know it was long.... 

12/16/04

Hi, my name is Lauren and I live in Missouri. I am 17 years old and had an abortion on the 15th of December, 2004. I found out on the 19th of November that I was pregnant. I told the father, which is my boyfriend, that I was pregnant and he was yes of course very mad at first. After we got in person and talked it out for many hours we decided that it was our decision to be adult enough to sleep with each other, so we would be adult enough to take care of our biggest responsibility.........Our Baby! My mom and dad hated him and hated the fact that I was going to have a baby. I left my house and went and lived with my boyfriend at his dad's house. It made me feel so much better because they were so excited about the baby and said it would get us away from all the partying and help us grow up to be true adults. I accepted that. We would lay in bed every night and I would fall asleep next to the man I loved so much while he rubbed my tummy and said how excited he was. We were both very happy. About a week later, well I guess went by and all things changed. My boyfriend called my mom to talk to her which I knew wasn't a good idea because she wanted us to get rid of the baby and well she got what she wanted. He got off the phone and she had put so many things into his head that the first thing he said to me was your getting an abortion. I started to cry, but knew since I didn't have him I had no one. A couple days later he took me home and told me that he didn't want anything to do with me. My mom then signed me up and took me in to get the abortion. I followed through with it. Even though it took them under five minutes to complete the procedure, I don't think that I have ever felt so bad for myself like I am now. I regret every bit of it. Even though I am no one to tell you what to do. I am just saying that it won't only hurt you, but the one that you don't have anymore. I could have loved my baby so much and if there was any way that I could go back in time..... I definitely would. I miss my baby and so will you! 

12/03/04

 wish that i had found this site before i went through with it, it has shown me what really goes on.

I had an abortion on the 24th may 2004, it was the worst mistake ive ever made! I am 16 years old, and was preparing to do my GCSE's. I'd just split from my boyfriend of 2 years, we'd needed a break from each other. When we got back together at the beginning of may, i found out i was pregnant. I had always said to myself that if i had an 'accident' and fell pregnant then i would keep the baby, but when it happens to you your mind doesn't always think the way you want it to.

i found out for sure that i was pregnant at a clinic, my boyfriend was there and i didn't know what to do, i needed time to think. I told my mum and dad, they were supportive, but would prefer the abortion as i am so young and was about to do my exams. i was petrified, everyone including my boyfriend wanted me to have the abortion, they weren't forcing me, but felt like i had to as it was what everybody else wanted. I booked the appointment, i went with my boyfriend, he was so supportive, he just wanted me to be ok. I had to wait on my own though, there were other girls there, with their mum's, friends and sisters, but my boyfriend wasn't allowed in, i hated sitting on my own, all i could think about was how i was going to feel afterwards.

I went into a room where they did a scan, i was having the 'medical abortion' as they thought i was less than 8 weeks (which is the cut off point, you have to be less than 8wks to have it). i had the scan, the woman said i was at least 9 weeks pregnant, as the foetus was big, i looked at the picture that was printed off of my baby, after that everything is a blur. I think my mind just went into like a robot mode, i didn't talk i just did what they told me. i took a tablet, then i went home. I was sick, the tablet made me ill.

 I went back 2 days later and they inserted pesseries to bring on contractions. This was the most painful experience i've had, i aksed for pain relif, which i couldn't take as i kept being sick. My boyfriend was allowed in at this point, he was so worried for me. After 2 hours of lying still all i could do was wait. I could barely walk to the toilet i was in that much pain. It took around 6 hours for my miscarriage to be 'completed'. I saw my baby, which really shook me, at that point i just broke down, i'd realised what i had done, i just wasnted to put the baby back inside me where it belonged(sounds wierd, i know). I went home and stayed it bed for days, i have cried about it every night since then, that was 7 months ago. I just can't believe that i went through with it. It is such a traumatic experience, and i regret it, i regret it every minute of the day. In less than a month it will be my baby's due date, i am dreading it, but it's my own fault! I wish i could turn back time, like many others, but i made a choice.

Think about the choices you make!!!!! 

10/5/04

I am a single mom of 3 boys and I am 26 yrs old. I was pregnant 16 weeks and decided that I couldn’t see myself doing this again, so I opted for an abortion (worst thing I ever did) I went and everything seemed normal. about 4 weeks later I was still feeling very crampy and was worried that I was bleeding weird, I went to the Dr. and was tested by ultrasound and by blood work, turned out that I was not fully aborted, and had to have it done again, finding out that I was punctured in bladder and needed sewn up, the infection was so bad I am still currently on medication to clear the infection! I do not recommend abortions! it is more dangerous than they let on to you!

10/5/04

7/24/04

I remember everything about that time in my life as if it were yesterday. I was headed down the wrong path of drugs and alcohol at the age of 18. I was having unprotected sex and knew the consequences fully, but like most teenagers I thought that will never happen to me. By the time I started getting symptoms of being pregnant I was drinking heavily and doing drugs every night. It was so bad that some nights I don't even remember getting home. I started getting sick and I was nauseated all day long. I didn't want to believe it so I took a pregnancy test and sure enough it was positive.  

I couldn't tell my parents or anyone on my family for that matter. I didn't even want to tell the baby's father but I did and that could have been the biggest mistake of my life. I told him I didn't want it and he tried to kill me. I remember being held up against the wall and he had me at my throat with scissors in his hand.He still wanted me to continue as if nothing happened and still do drugs and then we could raise the baby together. I knew as bad as my drug use had become that I couldn't have this baby. I considered adoption but I would have been unable to hide my pregnancy. 

I had no money and my roommate threatened to leave me with all the bills if I didn't get rid of it. I was backed into a corner and thought I had no alternative so I went to the clinic scared to death and wanting to die the whole time. I was horrified at the number of people that were there that had been there so many times that the nurses knew them by name and face. I sat there and kept to myself with my best friend at the time. When they took me into the room it was like waiting in line for the bathroom; we were one right after another. When it was my turn I got onto the table and the procedure started. I remember crying uncontrollably and being in so much pain. I wanted so badly to take back what I had done but it was too late.  

After that I went into a deep depression I hid myself in alcohol. I just wished that I would have died too. It wasn't until I was 22 and I got married and had my daughter that I came to terms with what I did. I tortured myself for 4 long years not telling anyone about it. I didn't think I deserved my daughter because of what I did. Now I realize if it wasn't for that day I wouldn't be where I am today. Because of that I turned my life around and I don't do drugs and I haven't done drugs since I was 20 and I'm 24 now. I am now expecting twins. I am happy in life and love. I still think of my baby often and while I've never forgotten the pain I experienced and caused that day I know that I did the right thing for me.  

5/20/04

Growing up I never really paid any attention to the choices that I had... how could I, I was just a kid.  Now, I’m 22 years old, last June (almost a year ago) I had my first and last abortion.  I remember the day so clearly, it was the day after mother’s day (how ironic), I remember my best friend had picked me up from school, on the way home I started to feel nauseated.  I felt so sick to my stomach that even the car ride home was doing me no good; in fact it just made me worse.  As I got out of the car I threw up coffee that I had earlier that morning, my best friend looked at me and asked me if I had gotten my period for that month, knowing well aware that I didn't, I told her that I didn't remember.  I went upstairs to my apartment and felt an overwhelming urge to keep throwing up.  Feeling sick and having no strength, I called into work "sick" I told my boyfriend that I was going to stay home that night, he was worried because he didn't know what was going on with me.  He went ahead and left to work that night, about 2 hrs. Later I decided to go to my local rite-aid and buy a pregnancy test, somehow, I just knew that I was pregnant, I just knew it, but I needed something to confirm the truth.  I decided to wait until my boyfriend got home from work that night; I was too scared to do this on my own.  He came home a little after 12:30 midnight, I took the test, and it was the scariest 5 minutes of my life... after the waiting I looked at the stick, my assumptions were confirmed, and I was indeed pregnant! I remember my knees had weakened and I feel to the ground, my life of no responsibility had ended and I was not ready to be a mother. 

I went to the doctor and still being in shocked had another pregnancy test done, I guess I was so in shock that I wanted to really make sure that I was pregnant.  I remember crying my eyes out and feeling so confused and scared...  after hours of talking about our decisions and possibilities, my boyfriend and I both decided to have the abortion.  

There were so many reasons why we did this, and please don't misconstrue that as an "excuse" but I wanted to give this life everything it deserved, struggling was not an option, I could care less if I struggled.

It's been almost a year since my life and eyes have been opened up. After the procedure I cried and constantly thought about "what could’ve been” the truth is, what's done is done, I can't change the past decision or actions that I have made.  I do know that if I ever do get the opportunity to have another baby, abortion is not an option; it was a mistake that was made once and only once, never again!    

5/10/04

5/3/04

I wish I could turn back time, I wish I would have made a better decision.  I was in my early 20's, I'm 37 now, mother of three beautiful daughters.  I've never seen pictures like those on your site before.  I wish I had of, because I would not have killed my baby.  And I believe that's what it is now - a killing - murder.

They told me that the baby wouldn't feel anything, they told me it was okay to do it.  Can you believe they told me that, and the baby was more than 16 weeks!  they removed all the fluid and I was put into labour for the next 4-5 hrs or so, with a (probably) dead baby inside of me.  They had me extremely drugged up, but I still remember phoning my family and friends all night from my hospital bed - I was crying so much.  I'm so sorry baby, Oh my god, I wouldn't have done it had I known the truth.  

I wanted the abortion because I was a IV Drug abuser - very heavily involved in it. Also, I couldn't have the baby's father around anymore, because he was becoming violent. I thought the best choice was to let go of the baby, send him back to God, if you will.  I thought it was the best decision - I didn't know any better. I already had a two year old at the time...my mother took care of her most of the time.  Now I'm the mom of three, and I'm clean and sober, although in bad health, but hanging in there. Loving my children so much, and trying to be the best mom I can be.   

I am crying so much right now, because of the photographs on your site. I'm angry that they are there - well I was angry, but now I'm just feeling sad and guilty.  How could I do such a disgusting thing to that sweet little baby? 

I remember that i had to go to the washroom alot after they removed the fluid from the uterus, and they told me to put this large measuring cup across the toilet so that the baby wouldn't fall in the toilet.  At one point, some volunteers came in the room with magazines and I got up to get one, when I started bleeding profusely ...there was blood everywhere.  The volunteers ran to call the nurses and they told me to hurry to the toilet, and I did.  I sat down, forgetting to put the measuring cup on the toilet, and the baby fell out - the baby fell right out of me and into the toilet.  One of the nurses got mad at me and told me to go to lay down.  

 I am so sorry baby - I would never had done it had I known any better.  So now I've seen your pictures and now I know that my baby was a "real baby" with arms and legs and everything else.  What kind of person can do such a thing. It makes me hate myself.  I hate myself for doing that.  I didn't want to put him up for adoption though, because I was adopted and I couldn't put that kind of pain onto my own child.  I couldn't carry a baby for 9 months and then just let him go to strangers!  Now I would, after seeing the truth.  Or maybe I could have kept him, and my mom could have help me, just like she did for my other child.  

Please put this letter up on your site...Please show others how terribly wrong it was for me to do this.  I want to help.  I will never promote abortion again.  I've always thought that it was nobody's business what women did with their bodies - Now I do not believe that anymore.  I am now on your side. 

Do you think that little baby I aborted many years ago, forgives me?  Do you believe that he can see me from heaven and that he knows I was his mom?  I need to know that I've been forgiven for this.    

I want to help spread the truth.  Please tell me how I can help.   

Thank you for showing me the truth - thank you so much,

Victoria 

2/26/04

As I sit here and write my heart is thumping like I just ran a marathon.  I don't talk about my abortions that much, 2 to be exact.  Being a divorced mother of three, I convinced myself that "getting rid of it" was for the best. WRONG!!! I still have nightmares to this very day.  The second:  I was engaged, living with my fiancé, going to school to become an LPN, ideal I thought.  But like an idiot, I did not get the reaction I wanted, needed or expected from him, so I figured it would be a mistake to keep it.  I died that day at the clinic.  Look a me, a nurse who had two abortions.  Look at the irony.  I am supposed to save lives, not willingly take them.  I ended up breaking up with my fiancé, because I started to hate him for not stopping me from getting rid of our baby, but in actuality I hated myself.  And what made it really hard, one of my closest friends found out she was pregnant the same time I was.  Her situation was somewhat less ideal: going through a divorce, out-of-state cheating husband and two children already, BUT she choose to have her baby, a girl.  A year later, I still have not been able to see the baby. 

And now I find myself pregnant again.  A year to the date, almost exact.  But this time, the father and I are not together.  I asked him to leave, because I felt pregnant or not I could do better.  I am happy, extremely to be pregnant.  I haven't been able to tell my mother yet, though.  Almost as if I am waiting to tell her when I get so far along that she can't suggest an abortion.  I know she will tell me how dumb I am for keeping it, with my current situation.  But the feeling I get from feeling this baby grow is awesome.  At nearly 16 weeks, I can feel her, I know it's a girl, move about.  IT FEELS GOOD.

2/2/04

Hello abortion TV

11/22/02

I am now 30 and I had an abortion when I was 17 and it still haunts me. I wish I had seen this website back then and maybe today I would have a beautiful baby girl named Danielle Nicole which was what I was going to name my baby but I was convinced by my parents and boyfriend that I would have a better life if I don't have a baby so early but my life has not been better. I was almost 5 months when I told my mother so I had to pay $1,000 to have a saline abortion and the doctor stuck this big needle in my stomach and joked and laughed the whole time like he was at a golf game with the his country club buddies and he had no emotion or empathy for me it was awful and demeaning ,then I was admitted into the hospital until I delivered the baby, the pain that I had with the delivery were terrible and when the baby came the insensitive nurse said It's a girl! like it was a normal delivery and it was a happy occasion but all I could do was cry, after that I was taken into another room where the doctor removed the after birth and checked me for missing body parts from the baby and there was so much blood I thought I was gonna die right there. Then they put the baby in a jar and left her in the bathroom on the edge of the shower for me to see. PLEASE if  you are considering having an abortion rethink it PLEASE it has been 13 yrs and I still have vivid memories of this horrible day. Please talk to God first ask for forgiveness and for his mercy and grace to get through this ordeal and then seek help from professionals for what other options you may have.

9/3/02

I had my abortion on February 21st 2000. I was 22 years old and living it up with my boyfriend at the time. I was a bartender for a hot nightclub and raking in dollars so I thought I had it all. It was dinner and drinking out every night of the week, snow-boarding trips every weekend, life was one big party, then the pregnancy test came back positive. When I saw the blue line I had mixed emotions. One part of me was saying, "Oh no! This can't be happening, a baby's gonna ruin my lifestyle!" and the other part of me started feeling the soft pulls of maternal bonding. My boyfriend freaked and insisted I have an abortion right away. I called the clinic the next day and everything was arranged for the following week. I walked around in a daze for the rest of the week. The morning of the appointment I remember standing outside the clinic and crying that I didn't want to go in and my boyfriend insisting that I should. I went in and talked to the so called counselor (salesperson). She was the nastiest most inconsiderate B-word. I went through the blood test, changing my clothes and sonogram crying. There were 4 girls ahead of me in the inner waiting room and I got to talking with one of them and she had been to this clinic 4 times before. 4 TIMES!!! When it was finally my turn I remember getting on the table and having my feet put in stirrups roughly by the doctor and having an IV inserted for the general anesthesia, I felt so trapped like a cow before slaughter, everything felt like it was going in slow motion. The last thing I remember, I was crying and saying that the IV burned and then everything went black. I woke up in pain and crying in the recovery room. The doctor (abortionist, murderer) came in all annoyed and asked me "What are you still crying for?" He then told me that I cried through the whole procedure even under general anesthesia and that it was very distracting. I ignored him and kept on crying and a woman sitting in a recovery chair next to me held me and rocked me and stroked my hair even though she must have been feeling just as bad as I was. Then I went home. I thought it would be all a bad memory and that I'd be fine but all I saw on tv when I got home were diaper ads and formula ads. My boyfriend and I sank into a year long period of uncontrolled drinking and drug abuse. Both he and I would cry over our dead baby and we'd drink and snort cocaine until we couldn't feel anything emotionally anymore. What was once just fun and games became almost an obligation because we felt we killed our baby for the privilege of living it up and if we cleaned up our acts it would mean our baby died in vain.I also became physically violent towards him whenever I would have flashbacks to that horrible abortion. What made us both realize that we couldn't go on living the way we were was I had an overdose one night and it's only by the grace of God that I didn't die. We both started down the road of recovery and 2 months later we were married and 2 months after that I was pregnant. Oh what tears of joy we shed. I had one scare during the pregnancy when at 6 weeks along (6 weeks was when I had the abortion with the first baby) I started bleeding. We rushed to the hospital and discovered that I was not miscarrying and heard his little heartbeat for the first time. That was when I started researching fetal development and abortion because the clinic never told me that the "clump of cells" as they called my baby had a heartbeat. I am very angry at abortion clinics because they never tell the woman that she could get a perforated uterus or bowel, become sterile, contract a disease from unsanitary equipment, increase her risks of breast cancer, get an infection from leaving parts of the baby behind in her womb, post abortion syndrome which pro abortion people like to deny the existence of, which my husband and I went through and the list goes on and on. My husband and I are today the proud parents of a healthy and beautiful 4 1/2 month old boy. We have a wonderful life now free of drugs and heavy drinking, he works hard and provides very well for our son and myself. I am now a volunteer counselor for a wonderful crisis pregnancy center(my husband also volunteers). Even though I couldn't save my own child's life or saved myself from the aftermath of abortion I am dedicated to saving other women and their babies from this horror they call Choice. If anyone reading this is considering abortion, had an abortion, is pregnant and wants to talk to a mom about pregnancy, labor and delivery, parenting or just needs someone to talk to feel free to e-mail me at

7/23/02

Hello. I am 17 yrs. old. I was 16 yrs old when I found out I was pregnant. I knew befor I took the test. I kept pretty good track of my monthly. And sometimes it did come a couple days early or late. But when it was one week late I started to get worried. Then every time Id eat something it just came right back up and thats when I knew. My boyfriend at that time got me a test to make sure. It came up postive very quick, but it didnt shock me at all becuase I just knew that I was. Well, we never even discussed abortion becuase I was totally against it and I still am to this day. My mom kept on bugging me about my period. She said she knew I didnt have it for a while. And that I better not be pregnant. Of course I was too scared to tell her that I was pregnant. So I hid it the longest I could. I had left a letter that Id wrote to one of my friends in Ct about my situation and of course my mother found it. I was over my boyfriends house one day and she called and told me she found out that I was pregnant and she told me well you do know what your gonna do about it right? I told her Im not having an abortion! She told me fine then you are going to tell your father. Well one night at my house me and Mike were going to tell my father. My mom told my dad that I had to tell him something. I was in the bathroom trying to run away from telling him and somehow he just knew what I was going to tell him! My mom told him that I was pregnant! At that moment I knew I had let my parents down! I felt the world come crashing down on me. They both told me the bad things about being 16 and having a baby. My dad gave me one week t odecide what I wanted to do. But honestly it was what they wanted me to do! They failed to tell me about what having the abortion could do to me emotionally. All that they could say was it was for the best! And honestly I started thinking it was for the best. I didnt have a good relationship w/ the father he was a drug addict and alchoholic. And the more and more my parents talked to me the more and more I thought they were right. So my mom called the clinic and made my appointment on July 21,2001! I was scheduled t ogo in at 2pm. The night befor I was planning on not going, or going and not getting out of the car becuase I did not want to do it. But all I kept thinking about was when my dad told me the night I told him I was pregnant about all the bad consequences of raising a baby at age 16, and how he would throw me out of the house and not to come around until the baby was born. I couldnt sleep at all the night befor I had to go in. On July 21,2001 me my mom and my dad got in the car and headed to the clinic. When I got there I felt so sick to my stomach. I couldnt believe I was actually in there, I just wanted to walk out and forget I ever stepped in that horrible place. But then it kept running through my mind of what a dissapointment I would be to my parents if I didnt go through w/ it. I was taken in the back room. The nurses checked my blood pressure and pricked my finger. And I asked the nurse if I was gonna be completely knocked out for it. And she told me I would be given a .05 valium and some luaghing gas. Thats when I had the nurse call my mom back there and I told my mom that Id basically be awake through it and I couldnt do that. I didnt want to do it anyways so I thought that thatd be the excuse Id use. But it did not work. My mom kept telling me youll be drugged itll be fine, its for the best! So I said well maybe it is for the best. I was then taken back and told to change into the gown thing. And I was in a room w/ about 20 other girls watching a video of one of the nurses telling us how theyd be performing the abortion. I was so shaken up and I couldnt stop crying. I was literally shaking! Then one girl asked me if I was sure I wanted to go through w/ this and I told her not really, becuase I dont want to do it but my parents will be so disapointed if I dont. Then it was time to go have the sizing done. I layed on that table while the doctor told me I was 14 weeks along. I did not expect at all to see my baby on a screen. I cant believe that they show you the picture of the baby on the screen. I was so shaken up already so after that I ran out of that room and went to the most caring nurse I have ever met and I told her to get my mom back there again! I told my mom I cant do it becuase they showed my the baby on the screen! And all I heard was do you want to disapoint your dad? So then again I gave in and decided I was gonna go through with it. I was still so shaken up that the nurse who talked to me the whole time I was there told me that I do have a choice and that my parents cant make the decision for me. And I didnt say anything, but in my eyes I was being forced to do it. So the nurse got the Dr. who was performing it on all the girls to talk to me and told me to make sure this is what I wanted and no one else, but its hard when you have your parents telling you all of these horrible things about this and that, so I told him it was. So he then took me and my mom in a room and told my mom that I was so shaken uo that when he performs the abortion that hed have to give me more drugs then the others becuase if I didnt calm down that I could hurt myself during the procedure. When he was in there w/ me and my mom all I wanted to yell out was that I didnt want to do it and how I hated my parents for doing this to me. Well I kept my mouth shut and the nurse then gave me two .05 valiums to relax me. The nurse had to help me walk into the room where Id have the abortion! I was so out of it! I cant even remember how I got on that cold cold table and how my feet got in the sturrips. All I remember was two nurses holding each of my hands. Then I remember seeing the doctor come in w/ a mask on and all these tools. Then I felt so much pain. Like someone ripping my insides out and the horrible noise. I couldnt stop crying and screaming for him to stop becuase I didnt want him to do it. And it hurt so bad! All I kept thinking was how could I have done this? Then I said to myself at least Ill still be loved by my parents. At least they wont hate me! I did it becuase of them and theres no denying that! I sort of feel like I was taken advantage of becuase I know if they didnt drug me up the way that they did that as soon as I walked in that room I wouldnt have done it and I wouldnt have cared what my parents think. I screamed for the doctor to stop but he wouldnt stop! Thats what I did through the whole 10 min of it was cry and scream. On the way home I didnt even speak to my parents, ever since I had it done they act like it never even happened. And so do I! But thats the thing, I keep it all inside! I get so depressed everytime I see a baby! It just brings back rememinders of what I have done to my baby that couldve been! Its almost time for my yearly exam and Im so afraid to go get my pap smear becuase its just gonna remind me of what I did to my baby! I always wonder if the baby was a girl or boy what color eyes and hair. No one has any idea of how this is effecting me. No one knows what Ive gone through emotionally since Ive had it done! I have to deal with this until the day I die. I urge woman who are even giving abortion a thought, it may sound like the best thing to do at that time but you have absolutely no idea of what woman have to go through afterwards. Its the worst pain I have ever felt in my life physically and emotionally. And the worst part about it for me is that I have no one to talk to becuase all they tell me is it was for the best! So if anyone wants to talk please contact me anytime!

7/14/02

Hi. I realize that on this site there are many personal testimonies to read but I'm hoping mine will be one of them. When I was 20 years old, I found out that I was 4 weeks pregnant. I was shocked and surprised, as for some reason I never believed I could get pregnant. The father wanted me to have the baby and he asked me to marry him. He even bought an engagement ring and wedding bands for both of us. I turned him down and told him about how fearful I was of having a baby at that time in my life. He was trying too see the positive aspects of me having the child and since he was 8 years older than I, he was in a much better position to become a parent, except for the fact that we weren't married. There were times when he would lay his head on my stomach and talk to the baby as he cried. One time as he did this he said, "I'm fighting for your life, I'm trying my best to save you."
       At 5 1/2 weeks along, I had an ultrasound and saw my child's heart beating. I was touched by it but at the same time I was frightened by the reminder that the whole situation was really real. I was so afraid of having a baby this young and all I could think about was how fat I would get and how it would ruin my life. It was all about ME ME ME and how I felt.
       Soon I was 10 weeks along and was having a hard time on the decision as to whether or not to have the abortion. I was on an emotional roller coaster, to say the least. One relative bought me maternity clothes...other relatives told me that having an abortion was best and all their negative comments about me having the child reinforced my fears. I made an appointment with another OB/GYN to discuss the possibility of abortion. On the day of the appointment, I heard my baby's heart beat and the doctor told me that I was a little over 10 weeks along. She said that if I was going to abort, I should do it within a couple of days because the baby was pretty much formed, (including the major organs) and that it just needed to get bigger.
       On the rainy, gloomy day of January 16, 1996, a relative drove me to a clinic for an abortion. In the car on the way there, part of me was hoping that we would get in a wreck because of the weather and that I would miss the appointment as a result. We arrived at the clinic and I cried hysterically as my relative went to the counter to check me in. During this time I noticed a big bellied pregnant woman announcing to someone that she was having twins and talking about how excited she was. This made me cry even harder. My relative came over to me and said, "What's wrong? I know it isn't easy but this is the most caring and responsible decision you can make." She previously had 2 abortions and told me it was "best" for her and the child. To me, for someone to think that killing a child is a "best" and "caring" action is sick.
       Soon I was lead into a pre-surgery room and was asked to remove my clothing and put on a gown. As the nurses wheeled me down the hall towards the surgery room, I remember thinking, "My baby's heart is beating at this very moment and in a few minutes it will stop." Part of me wanted to jump up onto my feet and scream, stating that I wasn't going to let them kill my child. Yet another part of me thought illogically, "Everything is already paid for, so I can't back out now. My relative probably won't be able to get a refund and she will be angry at me after all this trouble." As I was wheeled into the surgery room, I remember soft cheerful music playing...by the sound of it, one would never guess that an innocent child was about to be murdered in that very room. The nurses quickly put my legs up in stirrups and they asked me if I wanted to be awake or asleep during the procedure. As I looked around the room, I noticed a table with many unfamiliar items on it, but one thing I did recognize was a long coiled see through tube, which I knew my dismembered child would be sucked through. I panicked as I said, "I don't want to see anything. Put me out." The next thing I knew I was in the recovery room. My first feeling was a sense of relief but then a feeling of darkness replaced it when I was hit by the reality that my child was gone forever.
       I'm 26 years old now and my child would have been 5 1/2 years old. Every time I see a child of this age, it kills me inside. I can't help but wonder what my child would have been like or looked like. Nobody will ever know how my child could have touched their lives, nor will we ever get to see how my child would have contributed to this world. I will never be able to look into my child's eyes; my child will never be able to call me "mom." My child will never be able to play like living kids can. My child wasn't given the chance. The only proof of my child that I have is the ultrasound picture and the memory of being pregnant, rather than his/her existence here on this earth. I still have the maternity clothes and every time I see them, sadness fills me because I never needed to wear them. All I can do is pray that I'll meet my child one day in heaven. I will beg and plead for others not to abort their children. NO MATTER WHAT THE SITUATION, IT'S NOT THE CHILD'S FAULT; AN INNOCENT CHILD SHOULD NEVER HAVE TO DIE BECAUSE OF IT. Abortion is murder in the womb, despite the fact that people and doctors will try to change the words to make it seem like any "medical" procedure, while attempting to make it seem less harsh and cruel than it really is.
       I hope that this letter will help save your unborn child. Thanks for taking the time to read this and please...don't let your unborn child be just a memory. To my child: I love you very much and you will be a part of my life forever.
THANK GOD FOR THIS WEBSITE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
---If you would like support or have any questions, feel free to email me at:

April 20, 2002 

Hi. I realize that on this site there are many personal testimonies to read but I'm hoping mine will be one of them. When I was 20 years old, I found out that I was 4 weeks pregnant. I was shocked and surprised, as for some reason I never believed I could get pregnant. The father wanted me to have the baby and he asked me to marry him. He even bought an engagement ring and wedding bands for both of us. I turned him down and told him about how fearful I was of having a baby at that time in my life. He was trying too see the positive aspects of me having the child and since he was 8 years older than I, he was in a much better position to become a parent, except for the fact that we weren't married. There were times when he would lay his head on my stomach and talk to the baby as he cried. One time as he did this he said, "I'm fighting for your life, I'm trying my best to save you."
       At 5 1/2 weeks along, I had an ultrasound and saw my child's heart beating. I was touched by it but at the same time I was frightened by the reminder that the whole situation was really real. I was so afraid of having a baby this young and all I could think about was how fat I would get and how it would ruin my life. It was all about ME ME ME and how I felt.
       Soon I was 10 weeks along and was having a hard time on the decision as to whether or not to have the abortion. I was on an emotional roller coaster, to say the least. One relative bought me maternity clothes...other relatives told me that having an abortion was best and all their negative comments about me having the child reinforced my fears. I made an appointment with another OB/GYN to discuss the possibility of abortion. On the day of the appointment, I heard my baby's heart beat and the doctor told me that I was a little over 10 weeks along. She said that if I was going to abort, I should do it within a couple of days because the baby was pretty much formed, (including the major organs) and that it just needed to get bigger.
       On the rainy, gloomy day of January 16, 1996, a relative drove me to a clinic for an abortion. In the car on the way there, part of me was hoping that we would get in a wreck because of the weather and that I would miss the appointment as a result. We arrived at the clinic and I cried hysterically as my relative went to the counter to check me in. During this time I noticed a big bellied pregnant woman announcing to someone that she was having twins and talking about how excited she was. This made me cry even harder. My relative came over to me and said, "What's wrong? I know it isn't easy but this is the most caring and responsible decision you can make." She previously had 2 abortions and told me it was "best" for her and the child. To me, for someone to think that killing a child is a "best" and "caring" action is sick.
       Soon I was lead into a pre-surgery room and was asked to remove my clothing and put on a gown. As the nurses wheeled me down the hall towards the surgery room, I remember thinking, "My baby's heart is beating at this very moment and in a few minutes it will stop." Part of me wanted to jump up onto my feet and scream, stating that I wasn't going to let them kill my child. Yet another part of me thought illogically, "Everything is already paid for, so I can't back out now. My relative probably won't be able to get a refund and she will be angry at me after all this trouble." As I was wheeled into the surgery room, I remember soft cheerful music playing...by the sound of it, one would never guess that an innocent child was about to be murdered in that very room. The nurses quickly put my legs up in stirrups and they asked me if I wanted to be awake or asleep during the procedure. As I looked around the room, I noticed a table with many unfamiliar items on it, but one thing I did recognize was a long coiled see through tube, which I knew my dismembered child would be sucked through. I panicked as I said, "I don't want to see anything. Put me out." The next thing I knew I was in the recovery room. My first feeling was a sense of relief but then a feeling of darkness replaced it when I was hit by the reality that my child was gone forever.
       I'm 26 years old now and my child would have been 5 1/2 years old. Every time I see a child of this age, it kills me inside. I can't help but wonder what my child would have been like or looked like. Nobody will ever know how my child could have touched their lives, nor will we ever get to see how my child would have contributed to this world. I will never be able to look into my child's eyes; my child will never be able to call me "mom." My child will never be able to play like living kids can. My child wasn't given the chance. The only proof of my child that I have is the ultrasound picture and the memory of being pregnant, rather than his/her existence here on this earth. I still have the maternity clothes and every time I see them, sadness fills me because I never needed to wear them. All I can do is pray that I'll meet my child one day in heaven. I will beg and plead for others not to abort their children. NO MATTER WHAT THE SITUATION, IT'S NOT THE CHILD'S FAULT; AN INNOCENT CHILD SHOULD NEVER HAVE TO DIE BECAUSE OF IT. Abortion is murder in the womb, despite the fact that people and doctors will try to change the words to make it seem like any "medical" procedure, while attempting to make it seem less harsh and cruel than it really is.
       I hope that this letter will help save your unborn child. Thanks for taking the time to read this and please...don't let your unborn child be just a memory. To my child: I love you very much and you will be a part of my life forever.
THANK GOD FOR THIS WEBSITE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

3/18/02

I linked on to your web site about abortions, and going through reading about the stories and seeing the pictures of aborted babies I cried I am 26 and I had An abortion 2/12 2000 and out of everything I have done I really really regret having that abortion.  There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about my baby.  I keep the ultrasound around to remind me the selfish act I caused that ended that precious humans life and I can honestly say if I had to do it all over again I would not do it.  I just wish your web was around when I made that huge mistake, Can God ever forgive because  I cant seem to forgive my self?

1/27/02

I wish I would have seen your web site before I killed my baby.

1/22/01