It was January 2000 when I took the test and found out I was pregnant. I
was a bit scared and excited at the same time. I called my boyfriend to
tell him; we had talked about this that I might be pregnant so he wouldn't
be totally surprised. He hesitated and got really quiet and said that he
didn't we should see each other anymore. I was devastated. Not only did he
not want to see me, but he was walking away from our baby as well.
We talked over what we were going to do. Abortion was out of the question
for me, I didn't want to do that to my baby; it wasn't his fault we weren't
careful, why should he suffer for that?
Initially, we decided on adoption. I was concerned how he'd feel about
this, considering he was also adopted, but he agreed with it. He put no
pressure on me to make any decision at first saying I should do what I want.
However, as time went on, I was attending my appointments, and had my
ultrasound and could see him moving around, I started to doubt my decision.
He was so sweet and innocent and mine, there was just such a bond there
already, I wasn't sure if I wanted to go through it.
I started to see a counselor at about my 5th or 6th month to help me to make
a decision. It's great to talk to someone who is unbiased and unrelated to
the situation. Everyone in my family and most of my friends had their own
ideas and opinions on what I should do, which was making it that much
harder. He helped me to sit down and make a list of pros and cons of what I
should do and appoint values to them. In the end I decided on adoption.
I loved being pregnant for the most part. It's an amazing feeling to have a
little life growing inside you. Someone who, no matter who raises him,
will grow up, dream, run, play, have ideas, and maybe have children of his
own. This whole miracle of life still amazes me.
But on the other hand, I was not ready emotionally or financially to raise
this child. He would have no father, at least to start out with and finding
one wouldn't be easy either.
I didn't want to have to put him in day care either; if I have a child I
want to raise him myself.
So I started out at a Christian agency, Bethany, to find parents to raise my
child. I went through a list of things that I wanted: a Lutheran family, a
stay at home mom, and preferably a family who had previously adopted a
child. I wanted a family who knew that this is what they wanted, and have
had experience with a child already. They gave me several sheets to look
through, but the first family I looked at I liked. They had all the things
I was looking for and more. I arranged to meet them, and started what we
needed to do to get the adoption going.
Before my son's birth we discussed visitation, and letters and how often
we'd do them. Also, we talked about names. I had the Nicholas in mind for
months already. I never found out the gender of my child, but I had an
instinctive feeling it was a boy, and that was first and only name that came
to mind. They agreed they liked it, and chose the middle name, Mark as a
family name.
September 4, 2000 at 9:42pm Nicholas Mark was born. He was 8lbs. 6oz and 19
inches. All in all, the labor went well, and I had no complications.
"Andrew" and "Beth" were both there in the hospital waiting room, and once
they had cleaned him, and checked him out, they were allowed in so they
could hold him and have a bond started with him.
I know all laws differ between states, so for where I live, you get a
waiting period of up to 30 days for a court date, in which the birth mother
can change her mind, and the baby is placed in foster care.
The hardest thing for me to do was watch the foster mother take him away. I
was able to visit a few times, and see how he was, and the foster family was
wonderful. Two weeks after Nicholas was born, we went to court. I had
serious doubts as to whether I was doing the right thing. Would he hate me
growing up? Would he ever want to see me later? Many questions ran through
my mind, but I knew in my heart this would be best for HIM.
It's been 10 months now, and I have gone to see him 3 times. They have sent
me pictures and letters and been very nice and understanding to me. I
cannot say that it's been easy. That there haven't been days or nights when
I've cried myself to sleep. Or that I don't feel like this part of me is
gone and I'm not whole because he is gone. But I also can remember that
he's not totally gone, he is alive and doing extremely well. I'm so proud
of him and always will be. I see him thriving with this family, and so
happy and loved by them, that I think I did the right thing.

I had an unplanned pregnancy nine years ago. I wasn’t married, and quite frankly, I was sleeping with someone I wouldn’t have gone out in public with. I have no better excuse for my behavior other than that I was depressed and clearly not thinking straight.

My first thought, like any other typical 23 year old girl who grew up in the ‘burbs in a non-religious home, was to get an abortion. The problem was, I kept weighing the morality in my head and red flags were going up about the decision I was thinking of making.

I was young. I was healthy. Pregnancy made me a little nauseous in the morning, a little dizzy from time to time. It didn’t affect my work, and I had a physical job. It didn’t affect my life except that I’d stopped drinking – not exactly a negative side effect. So, it wasn’t exactly ruining my life. Before I knew it, I was four months pregnant and I wasn’t even showing, so I couldn’t argue that it was embarrassing me. I let the deadline by which I could have had a legal abortion slide by.

I’m writing because I want to tell everybody out there that carrying to term and giving up the baby for adoption truly is the best choice. I didn’t do this because I believed God would strike me down if I didn’t. Heck, I didn’t even believe in God. I just thought, hey, this isn’t the worst thing I’ve ever had to go through, and so many people want healthy babies, aren’t I being selfish if I mindlessly slaughter a child that someone else would be thrilled to have?

Nobody ever found out I was pregnant. It was winter; I wore baggy sweatshirts and leggings and I made sure I didn’t gain more weight than was necessary for good health. I went to work the day before and the day after I had the baby, pleading a 24 hour flu. Labor is highly overrated – if you’ve had your wisdom teeth out, you’ve experienced worse pain than labor, and it’s only a matter of time before they give you that wonderful epidural shot and you feel nothing. My child went to a loving professional couple who were thrilled to have him. It didn’t ruin my life; it barely affected my life. Please don’t buy into the myths! Pregnancy is not horrible for most people – many, many women feel great while they are pregnant. I was still playing active sports for 2/3 of my pregnancy and I never felt like an ungainly whale. My best friend was the same. Labor, with today’s drugs, is not that tough to go through. And you don't stay fat forever - if you get off the couch and are active you'll have no problem - I weighed less 2 months after I gave birth than I did before. People will try to scare you and talk you into abortion, but from what friends who've had abortions tell me, you certainly aren't avoiding pain going that route! Quite the contrary. I know of nobody who bounced back from abortion the way I bounced back from labor. I was on the phone 20 minutes later, perfectly coherent, calling my current boyfriend (not the father) to tell him I was just fine.

Sure, it was tough to deal with family who thought that I should keep the child, but you have to hang tough. You, and only you, know if you have what it takes mentally, physically and financially, to raise a child. I knew the answer was no. If the answer is no, stick to your guns – it’s a decision that you have to live with forever. It is NOT selfish to give up a child for adoption. You have already proven your generosity and kindness by carrying to term. You do not have a further responsibility to pay for your accidental pregnancy with your youth and your freedom.

I’m not a child lover. I can’t even stand being around other people’s kids. I had my tubes tied a few years ago to make sure I’d never have an ‘accident’ again. You don’t need to be the mother type to recognize that it’s just plain wrong to kill another human being simply because they are inconveniencing you. If you’re like me, by all means get sterilized. But first – give the baby you’re now carrying the chance at life that he or she deserves. I can forever look back and know that I did the right thing, and that knowledge is priceless.